Earlier this summer, we were having a lot of discomfort with our oldest. Things built up to where she’d start most days by raging at us.
One morning, after a particularly venomous outburst, my wife banned electronics for the day. Escalating, I extended the ban for a month.
Not wanting to backdown, I was stuck with having to come up with something to replace all the iPad time we had built into her day. As well, I had to acknowledge my personal laziness with using electronics to replace engagement. Time Magazine calls us hypocrites but the reality, in my life, is laziness.
With increased 1-on-1 engagement, improvement came quickly and the level of rage dropped within ten days. Difficulties pop up, but they are age appropriate and mostly diffused with a hug and time spent together. I’m grateful to have the time to spend with the kids.
Some additional tactics that have worked:
- With three kids, it important to remember that the oldest remains a kid (she’s 4.75).
- Offer a change of activity before removing from the situation
- Give more of my time to get better behavior. The fundamental conflict is over time and attention.
- Let them know when it is their time. Take pictures of it. Post pictures where everyone can see as well as beside their beds.
Become aware of my desires for revenge – break the cycle of revenge by training myself to avoid all forms:
- Not to pass along gossip
- Not to correct
- To agree as much as possible
The above are simple, yet surprisingly difficult to execute. They are near impossible on the Internet and ignored by the media. Would anyone even watch a show that was void of gossip, conflict or correction?
Because it is difficult to see my role in creating my life, I pay attention to how my peers talk about others.
Do you aspire to revenge via negative humor at the expense of others?