At the start of the month, my wife received some “bad” news. She was reminded that one of our pals was probably cheating. It’s wasn’t a big cheat. Well below a felony. But it created some cognitive dissonance for her.
She sighed… “but I thought he was one of the GOOD guys.”
It’s a thought that I often have myself…
…especially in February, when frauds and felons can become the focus of my endorphin starved brain!
I’ve been coping much better this winter and want to share some quick tips that might help you thrive in an imperfect world.
Parenthood has shown me the value of loving an imperfect person
You might think that I’m talking about my love for my kids.
It’s is my kids’ constant forgiveness of my own shortcomings that is most valuable. Their forgiveness helps me become a better person.
So, I remind myself that it’s OK to love an imperfect person.
That said, past choices are a powerful predictor of future outcomes. Put differently, people that consistently make poor choices are more likely to have bad outcomes.
So, it’s OK to file away that I don’t want a close relationship with someone that doesn’t share my values. I will even go so far as to write it down in my diary. I’m a sucker for charismatic charlatans!
The other observation I shared with my wife is that she is a good person. It is transformative to believe in the goodness of the people around you.
What’s the inner emotional trigger when we find out someone has been naughty?
That the world might find out about all of my own shortcomings!
So the best antidote might be to own my disappointments and fix them in myself.
Finally, even with all the shortcomings, it’s great to be alive.