I’ve been playing a game where I greet “challenging” kids by name and try to chat with them.
I am leaning against an urge to avoid them.
I aim for a kind word because it is tough to go into an environment, daily, where you’re not fitting in.
An environment where you could be forgiven for thinking that you are being told that “you” are unacceptable (rather than your behavior).
Some of these kids have no safe haven.
I was asked,
If he was your kid then what would you do?
I’ve been thinking about it => Kindness and Mastery.
I would teach kindness by improving the way I interact with everyone around me => his lack of kindness is likely taught at home.
I would find a way for the kid to demonstrate mastery to someone.
Consistent Role Models => I’m in my kids’ lives and I am modeling the behavior I expect from them.
I’m showing my daughters the sort of husband I would like for them. I’m showing my son how I’d like him to act in the world.
The role model doesn’t need to be you.
In certain domains, it is better if I act through peers & coaches.
Where’s The Win? => for yourself, and your kid
- Where is the “win” in your life?
- What are you projecting on to your family?
- What can your kid excel at?
- If he’s disengaged then are you fully engaged?
- Might he be mirroring your relationship?
If I see a challenging kid do something well (sport, kindness, reading) then I go out of my way to give them props.
Around my house, I am quick to point out when my kids do something better than me and I acknowledge my mistakes.
Sports => If you find yourself with an aggressive kid then give them a socially acceptable physical outlet.
Moguls, cliffs, chutes, mountains, camping, water polo, medley swimming, jujitsu, BMX, skateboarding…
…activity is superior to modeling anti-social behavior on electronics.
The activities my kids most enjoy don’t have a scoreboard and we don’t go near judged sports.
For lollapalooza effects, combine the above => demonstrating mastery to a male role model will reduce anti-social behavior in boys.
Our children will get the attention they crave one way, or another.