What were you talking about the last time you were the most animated person in the conversation?
Write it down!
In my case, I was talking about trying to be a father within a successful marriage.
A young wife will have a portfolio of needs, biases and desires.
As a husband, and new father, you are going to have your own portfolio of ideas for success.
Avoid the error of seeking to change your spouse…
…instead, be the best person you can be, while seeking to understand your core needs.
When you are under stress, you are going to have a tendency to assign blame to your partner — stop this immediately — it is counterproductive. Try a week as a single parent and remember your family needs all the help it can get.
If you ask around (about your “problems”) then you will find out the parenting experience is universal. A better way to frame your household is your “new reality!”
Many of my friends have a tendency to frame fatherhood (and marriage) as a negotiation.
I think there is a more effective way, than trying to outwit, outplay and outlast your life partner.
- Be clear and consistent about your own needs.
- Be willing to work to get your needs met.
- Support your partner’s needs.
Childcare is an area where couples stress themselves, and their marriage, to save from their family budget.
Most my peers have the ability to earn a multiple of their babysitter’s hourly pay. Allocate four hours of work per week — invest the incremental income in time spent as a couple and time spent alone.
A wise allocation of time can bring you closer as a couple and keep you from tipping over the edge with your kids.