I was looking through my phone to find pictures for our daughter’s birthday card.
In 2022, I noticed we’d hadn’t done much together, other than train and drive in my car!
13 proved to be a turning point.
When I pointed this out to her, and said I’d like her to join various family trips we have planned…
I could tell she had her own priorities and goals.
Not sure how much I’m going to see of her.
The plan, all along, has been to equip her with the skills for a self-directed life.
I’m finishing up a great book called Happy, by Derren Brown
One of my favorite insights is his observation… parents can’t help but pass their unrealized ambitions to their children.
I looked around:
- An oldest daughter who swims (with an eye on the highest levels)
- A son who wants to be a doctor
It’s a useful insight.
You can see it everywhere – my doctor pals have sons who want to be athletes!
Darren’s book goes further and talks about anti-ambition.
What we NEVER want to be.
I’m sure I’ve given them some of those!
The path to resist against.
My next realization…
She’s done with me in 1,000 days.
I was 17 when I arrived at McGill University.
Hung with myself, mostly, for the next decade!
We’ve moved into the 1,000 day countdown for pretty-much-on-her-own.
So, what to do.
#1 – Congratulate her on becoming a wonderful young woman. She’s far exceeded my expectations, an absolute star.
#2 – Ask her what level of time commitment she thinks she should make to the family. What’s the minimum?
#3 – Continue to support her journey through the process of becoming an independent woman.
…and help her with the process of figuring out where she wants to take her life.