Here’s my thread on Steve’s Book, Do Hard Things. It’s a great read.
Today, I want to share a filter for the “hard things” you might be considering.
The Tour de France just finished up.
Lance and I have different views on a few things but an area where we are in alignment is fatherhood.
You may remember hearing his son defend his lie was a trigger for him (Oprah interview).
My kids trigger me, too.
My kids have clear memories of my mistakes, and they talk about them!
Well before I had my kids, Lance shared an observation along these lines…
Winning the Tour is easy compared to being a good parent
Truth, as deep as you want to take it.
Much of what we define as difficult is a thin-desire for: (a) domination over another person, (b) respect from another person, or (c) deference from other people.
We see it everywhere.
Can you feel it in yourself?
These desires lead me astray!
My drive for achievement pushes me ever forward – more money, more victory, more conquest…
My drive led me to many difficulties, eventually to a divorce.
I made a choice to leave that former life behind, but the habit of striving came along.
Easier to replace a habit, than transcend it.
Lasting satisfaction, the kind that reduces desire, comes from overcoming ourselves and, ideally, building something with other people.
Perhaps a marriage, or a family, or a business, or a community.
I picked marriage.
In 2005, I made myself a promise, I’d put my marriage first.
My promise wasn’t tested until 2010 when we were living with a 2 yo and my wife was pregnant with our son.
Watching my wife suffer, while I chased external victories, wasn’t compatible with the promise.
I had a choice to make.
Fear & negative motivation are, generally, seen as bad things.
Not so in my life.
As an athlete, I enjoyed “showing” my capacity to do things others found too difficult.
Still do – it drives my writing output and consistency of focus.
As a husband, as a father… I realized I could combine (a) my attraction to difficulty with (b) my fear, of a second divorce.
It worked great.
The hardest thing I’ve ever done was become a good husband and father.
So, remember that your future self might not care about the external victories.
I mean, if you’ve haven’t been satisfied so far, then it’s probably not going to happen on your current path.
Many paths remain open