Tag Archives: hard things

Doing Hard Things

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Here’s my thread on Steve’s Book, Do Hard Things. It’s a great read.

Today, I want to share a filter for the “hard things” you might be considering.

The Tour de France just finished up.

Lance and I have different views on a few things but an area where we are in alignment is fatherhood.

You may remember hearing his son defend his lie was a trigger for him (Oprah interview).

My kids trigger me, too.

My kids have clear memories of my mistakes, and they talk about them!

Well before I had my kids, Lance shared an observation along these lines…

Winning the Tour is easy compared to being a good parent

Truth, as deep as you want to take it.

Much of what we define as difficult is a thin-desire for: (a) domination over another person, (b) respect from another person, or (c) deference from other people.

  • Domination
  • Respect
  • Deference

We see it everywhere.

Can you feel it in yourself?

I can.

These desires lead me astray!

My drive for achievement pushes me ever forward – more money, more victory, more conquest…

My drive led me to many difficulties, eventually to a divorce.

I made a choice to leave that former life behind, but the habit of striving came along.

Easier to replace a habit, than transcend it.

Lasting satisfaction, the kind that reduces desire, comes from overcoming ourselves and, ideally, building something with other people.

Perhaps a marriage, or a family, or a business, or a community.

I picked marriage.

In 2005, I made myself a promise, I’d put my marriage first.

My promise wasn’t tested until 2010 when we were living with a 2 yo and my wife was pregnant with our son.

Watching my wife suffer, while I chased external victories, wasn’t compatible with the promise.

I had a choice to make.

Fear & negative motivation are, generally, seen as bad things.

Not so in my life.

As an athlete, I enjoyed “showing” my capacity to do things others found too difficult.

Still do – it drives my writing output and consistency of focus.

As a husband, as a father… I realized I could combine (a) my attraction to difficulty with (b) my fear, of a second divorce.

It worked great.

The hardest thing I’ve ever done was become a good husband and father.

So, remember that your future self might not care about the external victories.

I mean, if you’ve haven’t been satisfied so far, then it’s probably not going to happen on your current path.

Many paths remain open

Choose Wisely