Monthly Archives: October 2022

Creating a Self-Directed Life With Meaning

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Let’s dig a little deeper into a topic I discussed with Rich.

The year is 2000, I’m divorcing and have the urge to leave everything (job, city, hemisphere).

This is a common feeling.

The idea that everything would be better if I could just start fresh.

The one piece of advice I listened to….

Slow Down

Before taking action, I started journalling.

My program was from The Artist’s Way and boils down to this…

Write three pages every morning for 12 weeks and pay attention to what you’re telling yourself

These days, there is a video course.

My journalling resulted in my first Top Ten List, below, from 2000.

There wasn’t much overlap between where I was and where I wanted to be.

The desire to leave, seemed legit.

So I left.

How did it go?

  1. Writing you
  2. In an organized office
  3. Feeling relaxed
  4. With an 8:29 IM best
  5. In a home base
  6. Having published 1,000+ articles
  7. Still have too much stuff
  8. With an absolutely wonderful wife
  9. Could do with being less serious
  10. Once again, looking for new challenges

It is NOT as simple as writing a list and sitting back.

We gotta make it happen.

To make improvement happen, we need to know where we want to go.

…and writing is one way to get out of our own way

…out of all the external wants of our environment

Working in finance, living in Hong Kong, caught in a life driven by acquisition/spending…

My thoughts were dominated by external wants.

I went to Far North Queensland and the South Island of New Zealand.

Cleared my head out and built the life I wanted to lead.

These days the process is much simpler.

Five Minutes AM & PM

I use a few short prompts I got from Dickie Bush

Same idea: get out of my own way and see what I’m telling myself.

What do I have to say?

2022 rhymes with 2000

  • Less is OK
  • Grateful for my adult setbacks and childhood difficulties
  • Moderate the peaks
  • Simple questions work
  • Winning doesn’t feel different
  • Less stuff makes me feel serene
  • I’m preparing for a very slow race
  • Get fit, not stuff
  • My kids are leaving soon – enjoy them
  • Tired means I’ve done enough
  • Focus on the week, not the outcome
  • It’s OK to leave it alone
  • Don’t buy anything I have to manage
  • Everything is trending up

Do you notice the difference between the two lists?

First off, the list feels more positive. I start every morning by writing down something I’m grateful for.

When I started, gratitude seemed hokey.

23 years ago, I felt the same way about love.

It’s a lot easier to fill a need if we’re open to the concept.

I want to repeat, it’s important…

Love. Respect. Admiration. Connection.

You don’t have to admit it to anyone other than yourself.

Be open to realizing what’s lacking in your life.

—

Next, my list makes it obvious that my life situation is not a problem.

Whatever I need to do… I can do right here.

This gets to The Question I talked about with Rich.

If this was it, are you OK with it?

You Gotta Make It Happen

=========

More Resources

My thread on the book, Time Management for Mortals – how to do

Five Questions to Ask Yourself & Becoming Lifestyle Sustainable

The biggest mistake I saw in Finance – a life of experiences, not stuff

The Choices That Define Your (Financial) Life

A similar article to today, from 2004.

LINK to web archive of above

A similar article to today, from 2011

Link to Top Ten List from my early 40s – from when I decided to phase out racing

Posted in our kitchen

Sunday Summary 30 October 2022

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Rich Roll Podcast Dropped

My best advice on parenting, and a life well lived, starts at 1:33

Top Threads

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High Performance Habits

Six Mantras to Cut Drama in Half

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Every day, we make a choice : Drama or Peace

Because the mantras are different than how many of us were raised, they take a little getting used to.

  1. It Is OK to Say No
  2. All Family is Optional
  3. We Can Handle The Truth
  4. Talk Like Everyone Is In The Room
  5. We’ve Already Won
  6. Everyone Speaks, or not

Think about them in the context of the last unforced error you made.

What the mantras have in common is they lower the temperature.

  • By removing a feeling of obligation, we reduce resentment.
  • By acknowledging truth can be uncomfortable, we remove the burden of hidden lives and carrying secrets.
  • By constraining our words to what we’d say to someone’s face, we are more careful and considerate.
  • By acknowledging the benefits of our current position, we stay focused on living well.
  • By allowing everyone to contribute, we slow decision making and reduce the capacity of a single person, or a single moment, to derail us.

Pay attention to the one you think is the most difficult.

Choose Peace

Teaching Needs vs Wants

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This is an excellent exercise to “break the ice” at family get-together.

Start by asking a question…

What is living well?

Everyone brainstorms ideas for 10-15 minutes, or in advance.

Then, everyone gets a chance to share their answers.

While each individual shares, have the group agree:

  • to stay quiet
  • to make notes if they are having trouble staying quiet
  • to write down the best ideas they hear

After everyone has shared.

  • Get a white board
  • One-by-one
  • Share a great idea

Our summary list below.

I played this game with my kids (10, 11, 14).

They had some really good ideas!

How a 10 yo sees Living Well

In the middle of the list…

Focusing on what you need not what you want

Needs are much easier to fill than wants.

In fact, the definition of our wants is they can rarely be satisfied.

The observation (of a child) led us quite nicely into the next discussion.

Without telling the kids what the numbers were

  • We flipped the white board
  • I read out monthly cash burn, in round thousands
  • We stacked the numbers (Jan to Sept)
  • Each kid added up the numbers
  • We grossed up to a full year projection (multiply by 4/3)

They were surprised at the family burn rate.

We flipped back to the list and asked ourselves…

How much money is required to live well?

My list has been the same for a very long time.

2012 Version

I walked them through my definition of living well.

We ended with a reminder

Talking about family money, outside the family, can create unnecessary issues (for them, and me)

I asked them for an example and they came up with Muffy from Arthur – if you know the kids’ show then you’ll know they picked an excellent example.

…and I left it at that.

Sunday Summary 23 October 2022

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The Psychology of Training After 45

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Dan & Ron – a couple of my favorite veteran athletes

I’m more than halfway along my journey from 45 to 60.

The biggest change is the reduction in my total pool of energy.

To cope, I’ve been open to changing my approach:

  • Adding: mobility work, heart rate variability metrics, additional easy days
  • Removing: alcohol, caffeine, travel, driving

Have the changes worked?

Honestly, tough to say!

It’s a paradox… less overall energy provides motivation to make changes in the hope of getting some energy back!

The other big motivator is fear.

Fear of:

  • Decline in sexual function
  • Decline in muscle mass
  • Increase in body fat
  • Getting “slow”

Let’s dig in a little.

Somewhere between 2000 and 2022, I convinced myself that coffee was giving me energy. When I tested that assumption, it proved false.

I continue to have false beliefs – I’m on the hunt for them.

++

Sex Drive

One of the best ways to measure if we are coping with our total stress load.

Not just training load.

Sex drive captures the total package of stress in our life as well as health status.

++

Muscle Mass

One way to resist “looking old” is to get jacked.

One way to resist “feeling old” is to get strong.

Strength training works.

Thing is, doing it well, requires quite a bit of energy.

How best to optimize?

My choice has been to use multi-year cycles.

Get strong once a year and get _really_ strong every 5 years.

When I swing too far towards strength training, my endurance suffers and that has a negative impact on my quality of life.

My approach ends up being a pendulum, between strength and endurance.

++

Fat

Here’s the hazard – a fear of fat, can turn into an obsession with body weight.

As we drive body weight downwards, we can create a negative spiral of losing muscle mass and, eventually, strength.

It takes years for this process to play out.

Personally, I was to be strong for as long as possible.

Strong like Ron!

++

Few years back. Ron broke the course record in the 65-69. Finished 2nd

Slowing Down

The reality => less overall energy, means less training load, means less training response

We’re going to slow down.

When we let our fear drive our training selection, we can make matters worse.

  • Too much high intensity (Zn 5, Severe & Extreme Domains)
  • Too much sustained intensity (Zn 3 & 4, Heavy Domain)

Use expensive training with intent.

Specifically, as we age, avoid strategies with a high risk of injury.

Why?

Injury, and the associated gap in training, results in a step-down in function.

Not gradual and, increasingly, challenging to build back.

Ron stuck with it, took an hour (!) out of 70-74 AG record and won in 2007

What’s the prescription?

Keep fear out of the driver’s seat.

Pay attention to natural signals – mood and sex drive are important metrics.

Balance working towards a “fit future” with enjoying the present.

Feel superb, frequently.

Enjoy the ride.

14 Years Old

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I was looking through my phone to find pictures for our daughter’s birthday card.

In 2022, I noticed we’d hadn’t done much together, other than train and drive in my car!

13 proved to be a turning point.

When I pointed this out to her, and said I’d like her to join various family trips we have planned…

I could tell she had her own priorities and goals.

Not sure how much I’m going to see of her.

The plan, all along, has been to equip her with the skills for a self-directed life.

++

I’m finishing up a great book called Happy, by Derren Brown

One of my favorite insights is his observation… parents can’t help but pass their unrealized ambitions to their children.

I looked around:

  • An oldest daughter who swims (with an eye on the highest levels)
  • A son who wants to be a doctor

It’s a useful insight.

You can see it everywhere – my doctor pals have sons who want to be athletes!

++

Darren’s book goes further and talks about anti-ambition.

What we NEVER want to be.

I’m sure I’ve given them some of those!

The path to resist against.

++

My next realization…

She’s done with me in 1,000 days.

I was 17 when I arrived at McGill University.

Hung with myself, mostly, for the next decade!

We’ve moved into the 1,000 day countdown for pretty-much-on-her-own.

++

So, what to do.

#1 – Congratulate her on becoming a wonderful young woman. She’s far exceeded my expectations, an absolute star.

#2 – Ask her what level of time commitment she thinks she should make to the family. What’s the minimum?

#3 – Continue to support her journey through the process of becoming an independent woman.

…and help her with the process of figuring out where she wants to take her life.

Sunday Summary 16 October 2022

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Top Threads

  1. Fast After 50 – Ironman
  2. Team “Feel The Byrn” in Sweden next June
  3. How to review an Ironman Bike File
  4. How to Qualify for Kona
  5. How to review an Ironman – more next Tuesday on Twitter

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High Performance Habits

Racing A Fast Ironman After Fifty

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Found this in the archives – memories of a very good day
5th Ironman in 14 months, October 2000

With Ironman Hawaii last weekend, there is a treasure trove of data waiting to be mined.

I took a look through my speedy friends’ activities to see what I could learn.

I started with a summary of January to October weekly averages.

16.25 hours a week, every week, for decades

The first thing I noticed is they do a lot of exercise!

That said, it’s not as much as I expected. The implied range is 12-22 hours a week. When I was a speedy 40-something, my range was 18-28 hours per week.

So perhaps this is a “stay good” level of training – these guys are already at the top.

What can you, and I, learn from these athletes?

Think about a Basic Week and forget about the pace that you’re going.

  • Three swims
  • Three runs
  • Bike leads metabolic fitness improvement
  • Strength work to address personal limiters and injury risks
  • Mobility – 10′ minimum every single day

My Rx for you, and me, would be 5 months of that program (November to March).

That might seem like a lot but ~300 aerobic hours is a drop in the bucket compared to the lifetime mileage of top endurance athletes.

What a best-case scenario looks like in Kona.
Showing the vibe I want to the bring to my training, and racing, going forward.

How fast are these guys?

I started by pulling up the marathon splits of the Best-of-the-Vets in Kona.

  • Mens 50-54 ran 3:15 to 3:40
  • Mens 55-59 ran 3:25 to 4:00

Not as fast as expected, except for the handful of sub-3:20 tropical marathons.

I headed over to the Boston Marathon site to have a look.

  • Mens 50-54 was 2:30-2:45
  • Mens 55-59 was 2:40-2:55

Still really quick, and my pals remain quick over shorter durations

Implications for me, and you.

Best in class race pace is ~8 minutes per mile, ~5 minutes per km

Right now, fresh, I can run that 30 bpm under max, 15 bpm under threshold – I’ve been running for five months, it’s reasonable to expect some improvement.

The best Ironman athletes (50+) in the world aren’t running much faster than 8 min mile pace – takes a lot of pace pressure off my run sessions.

Might do the same for you…

…and that would give you energy to place elsewhere in your program

…or recover faster

…or do something else!

That’s enough for today, more to come

Raising Fit Kids

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Towards a Self-Directed Life

They say we should teach about subjects where we don’t need notes.

Fit kids is that subject for me.

  • Our kids are 10, 11 and 14
  • We live in one of the fittest zip codes in America
  • Our kids are competitive in whatever they set their minds on
  • Most importantly, they are happy, engaged and a core part of every team they join
  • We’ve been raising them with intent, since before they were born

I threaded the outline for the video last Friday.

Winning means NOTHING if you lose the relationship.

Children carry an embedded option for the most common challenges of aging

  • something to do
  • someone to share experiences with
  • someone to love

Don’t blow it by being a bozo (at the game)

If the family has a special sport, swimming for us, then think in terms of minimum weekly frequency

None of our kids had to “be a swimmer” – all they needed to do was swim a little bit

Every. Single. Week.

Touch the water, once a week, since they could stand up

5-8 hours a week of jumping, climbing, twisting, spinning – All Summer Long

Very Consistently Undertrained

Our kids have done a lot since they were little.

What they have not done is specialize in a specific niche, or train like an adult.

I’ve also been careful to match my encouragement to the way the kid likes to train

  • Long days
  • Fast days
  • Mix of days

The kids decide what and how much – my role is to up-skill and keep it fun.

Ironman Finish – more than 11,000 days after I was born

10,000 Days

From the time a child stands up…

…to realizing their maximum adult potential

About 10,000 days

Longer in my case!

Several important realities flow from this timeline:

  • We control less than half of those days!
  • We don’t even control what we think we control – for example, effort at practice
  • It will not be the parents’ call – without a deep love of exercise, the kids are DONE as soon as they get out of the house, sometimes before!
The most important relationship in a child’s life is the quality of their parents’ marriage
Choose coaches, and mentors, based on the quality of their non-athletic lives

What Do We Control?

  • Modeling Personal Excellence
  • How our children see our marriage and other relationships
  • Sleep & Nutrition Habits
Spending my time, and giving my attention, to create a link between Fun and Work

Leave Room To Load Later

  • Middle School
  • High School
  • The Collegiate Level

None are a final destination!

Give the athlete somewhere to go when they leave you.

Being a badass breeds confidence – this impacts everything

Start With The End In Mind

Where do you want the athlete to be when they are done with their competitive career?

  • Resilient
  • Courageous
  • Persistent
  • Healthy
  • Enthusiastic

Use sport as a vehicle to teach these traits.

Start today!

Keep these traits front of mind when you’re tempted to make it about winning.

A teacher’s job is to fill the world with positive memories for the student to carry forward