Monthly Archives: September 2018

Aggression isn’t Violence

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If it turns out you brought home an Alpha Babe then you’ll know for sure by your child’s second birthday.

With our first kid, the challenge we faced was our cluelessness lived in a black box. We were unaware of how our lack of skill was making our lives FAR more difficult.

More than worrying about toilet training, speech development, when the little fella is walking… the #1 mission is early socialization.

If socialization fails then then life is going to remain very challenging for decades, rather than years.

Our approach was a minimum of three years at a well-established preschool, with wise, veteran lead teachers (Alaya).

We protected our marriage by carving our time for ourselves — hire patient, firm, college aged women.

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Dominance
If you score low in assertiveness then don’t panic!
Be cautious of falling into a fantasy of fixing the aggressive nature of your little one. We were a lot more successful with teaching how to channel their drive in a socially acceptable manner.

If you score high in assertiveness then resist the urge to attack your kid!
You won’t like the person that comes out the other side (you or your child).

Don’t tolerate other kids taking proxy-revenge on a challenging kid.

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Five Commands my kids learned very early…

1 – Baby on the ground (hand flat, palm moves toward ground)

2 – Easy, Tiger, Easy Tiger (palms facing out, gentle pushing motion)

3 – Breathe with me (exaggerated breath, shoulders rise and fall slowly with a smile x3)

4 – No hit (index finger points up)

5 – Slow it down, Slow it down (same as Easy, Tiger)

Of course, I needed to be working on these in all areas of my own life as well!

I still use these commands today… “but Dad, he’s not a baby anymore…”

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I’ve had ZERO success at changing the nature of my kids.

I have had a lot of success at:

A – keeping my exposure below the point where I start to dislike them

B – using the buttons they push to improve myself

C – improving my marriage and home life

Something for my kids, when they’re 21

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I didn’t listen to much when I was younger.

These might have gotten through…

Save half of what you earn – you will not miss the spending you avoid and this constraint will have a positive impact on the rest of your life => first in appreciation for what you do buy => second in the ability to easily constrain yourself when life’s inevitable setbacks arrive.

Pay attention to what bothers you about others => fix it in yourself.

Ghost – resist the urge to justify yourself. You’ll feel different later. Personal truth changes with time and circumstance.

Climb your mountains – my time for large physical exploits is gone, I’m happy, content and satisfied with how the physical side of my life played out. Don’t wait to be great.

Be wary of the prettiest girl in high school, the star athlete, the charismatic sociopath – We are all fooled by appearances. LEARN from your inevitable mistakes. This tip is not about dating cheerleaders, it goes into every aspect of my life and is extremely hard to override.

Barbell your life – learn about your weaknesses but do not worry about them => You will do much better parking yourself where your strengths can shine. Fear ruin => my big three are substance abuse, leverage and toxic relationships. You will find yourself defenseless in the face of certain people, substances and situations. The two strategies that worked for me were avoidance (stay a mile away) and replacement (with healthy addictions).