Generational Transitions

There’s a straightforward way through the headwall – just take it one step at a time

Last week, Mark Spitznagel’s book came out (Safe Haven). Don’t expect any specific strategies for constructing Safe Haven insurance. Do expect to (re)learn useful concepts:

  • a reminder of the central role of time in our lives – the capacity to sustain action, cognizant of time, is extremely rare
  • a reminder that we think in terms of arithmetic averages but experience geometric averages (COVID, portfolio compounding, fitness, nutrition, body composition)
  • a reminder that downward moves (in %age terms) have the same impact, regardless of their position in the time series – the counter to this => absolute dollar losses are best taken later in the time series (down $100,000 wipes me out at 25 y.o. – not so at 60) // by the way, creating negative net worth early (via education loans) is a very nasty geometric headwind.
  • a reminder to consider the cost of your insurance strategy, including the decision not to insure. Health, accidents, portfolios, relationships, nutrition => “insurance” comes in many forms.

Also some great parables/examples to help explain mathematical concepts that I’d previously failed to grasp, most importantly, the negative waterfall of financial ruin in a geometric environment.

Related to geometric returns, some useful illustrations of how/when diversification fails, despite its enduring appeal.

Finally, using Eternal Return when assessing risk. With any important choices assume you’ll be stuck repeating that choice over-and-over. I’m not sure I would have been capable of applying this advice as a young man. At 52, my life continues to benefit from this mindset (health, accidents, portfolios, relationships, nutrition…).

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Today, I want you to think about the past, present and future.

Specifically, I want you to look backwards 10-15 years, as well as forwards 10-15 years. This will give you a 20-30 year time span in which to consider family strategy.

We call 20-30 years a generation. For family leaders, it’s the shortest period we should be considering. Let me illustrate:

  • 2004 – met my wife
  • 2008 – birth of first child
  • 2032 – youngest child graduates high school
  • 2037 – youngest child self-sufficient financially

For our family finances, a generation will be closer to 40 years than 20.

Act with 25+ year time horizons => the Eternal Return is a useful mindset for multigenerational family systems.

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Family Earning Capacity Over Time

The biggest change of the last 15 years, for us, has been the quasi-retirement of the two largest earners in our family system. Looking forward 15 years, the biggest change will be the addition of new earners into our family system.

The shift in earning capacity every 30 years, or so.

If you are the prime earner, today, then here is a question for you. Does your family system have the assets, earning power and desire to continue to run the overheads you have built over the last five years?

Current choices can create a “geometric” headwind for the next generation.

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Family Risk Management Over Time

The demographic that seems to worry the most about financial risk is the Top 2%. Makes sense, they own most of the assets and, therefore, have the most to lose.

The easiest way to manage family financial risk is to create a cash flow statement with many different inflows, while having the capacity to painlessly chop outflows. I’ve been working on this for 20+ years, covering fixed overhead categories with a mix of inflows.

The option to shrink cash spending is valuable. Specifically, looking at your cash flow statement and seeing how much of it you could chop, at will.

For example, there are excellent reasons to borrow right now (inflation hedge, low nominal rates, negative real rates). However, the costs and negative-optionality of debt are hidden and difficult to price – particularly in a near-zero rate environment.

  • What is the correct way to price the ability for a lender, or my fixed overheads, to force me out at the bottom?
  • How do I price the capacity to invest during the next credit crisis?
  • What’s it worth to not have a boss?
  • How much is a lack of financial stress worth?

In my memory, all the remains from the 2008/2009 crisis is a note I wrote to myself to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. Ten years along, there is no “pain scar” from the stress I endured.

With our next generation a decade out from starting to earn, we’re debt free, and happy to be there. It’s worth more than I can prove mathematically. I do not have the capacity to think in terms of negative optionality. I can’t price ruin.

I’ll finish with another note I wrote to myself:

Moderation is easier when the prime directive is simply staying in the game.

This applies to my appetite for risk, further wealth, spending choices and personal fitness => interestingly, my greed focuses on various forms of external winning, while my quality of experience is internal.

Fixing The Problem


It’s possible to spend one’s entire life getting stuff done and making no true progress.

What do I mean by this?

I took a week off at the start of August and looked deeply at my life. Here’s what I noticed.

Problems: when folks are seeking to help us, they often remind us to count our blessings with a stock phrase such as…

Many people would love to have your problems.

This is both true, and false. True because I have an excellent set of problems. False because my problems are more accurately described as my “to do” list. They are simply things that need to get done.

…and that’s where a habit of grinding away, can get us nowhere.

Before we can fix something, we need to identify just what we need to address.



I spent the start of August alone, wandering around the mountains. It was a unique opportunity to get outside my life.

When was the last time you unplugged and got outside of the box?

By the way, I’m writing this from my box – my home, my home office, staring at screens. Too much of that in COVID!



The first thing I noticed was my point above, what I call my “problems” is merely a to-do list. They aren’t problems in a structure sense – time will wipe them out.

The key issue of the last 12-months is a periodic, penetrating sadness. Ticking off items on my to-do list doesn’t have much of an impact on it. My cost of living – no impact on it. Portfolio returns – no impact.

This insight was useful for me. It spurred two follow on questions:

  • What am I doing when I’m not-sad?
  • Are there triggers that set me along a downward spiral?

There’s a paradox in my life as a father. Doing the actions required to be a great parent, wipe me out. Not a big deal – I don’t mind fatigue all that much.

However, listening to my kids bicker brings on nausea. It’s my kryptonite.

Combine the two, bickering at the end of a long day, day-after-day, week-after-week, for the last 10+ years.

Across the summer, it was getting to me. I decided to opt out of anything that had all three kids involved.

Digging deeper, I realized no one can make me drive a car, take a trip, sign a lease, deal with rush hour… anything really. Parenting can leave me feeling trapped, but it’s a trap of my own creation.

I have a central role in tolerating the triggers of my sadness.



Back to the “to do” list.

It all-too-easy for couples to get bogged down arguing about their “problems”. They never get anywhere because they aren’t addressing the issue at its deepest level.

My family asked me what I wanted.

Two things:

Spend more time _alone_ with my wife => I make this clear each time the opportunity arises. Sometimes this is as simple as being able to finish our sentences to each other (without being interrupted by an addition to my to-do list, which the kids could do themselves!).

Help with the low-value tasks in my house => stepping outside my life in August made me realize how much time I spend on other people’s BS. In this regard, my sadness did me a huge favor when it nudged me to jettison Facebook (August 2020). Dealing with other people’s crap feels never-ending. In fact, it started to end the moment I decided I was done tolerating it.

In the meantime, I decided to stop:

  • Stop => helping anyone who is rude to me.
  • Stop => supporting anyone who wants to be a passenger.

All the while, modeling the the actions I want to see around me.

Which brings me to the #1 directive I gave myself, which I learned from our youngest daughter.

Be Polite.

Not just because it works.

Because the opposite of polite => rudeness, disharmony, noise, bickering, petty squabbles is a HUGE sadness trigger for me.

Winning an argument won’t solve my problem because engaging in argument is a trigger.



The opposite of sadness => call it not-sad.

It isn’t happiness.

For me, it’s enthusiasm.

My retreat enabled me to reconnect with my enthusiasm:

  • Up before my alarm
  • Laughter
  • Serenity

Luxury is watching the sunrise.

I’ll take some more of that.