In the book, Raising Cain, the authors note that many boys drink to shut down their capacity to think. As an athlete, being exhausted from exercise is quite similar to being loaded. There’s not a whole lot of quality thought happening!

Whether we’re focusing on parenting, adolescence or our current life situation, it can be tempting to numb ourselves and escape a gnawing sensation that we might not be heading the right direction.

The trouble with numbing ourselves with exercise, alcohol, sex, work, pastries, ice cream or toast… is we might not get anywhere worth going.

By the way, when I wonder about my life, I fall back to my personal mission (share love with Monica, help others with my writing and teach my kids how I experience the world). Have I done something on each point recently? If yes, then relax. If no, then change.

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When you’re exhausted, loaded or unwatched… who are you?

If there was an invisible friend on your shoulder, what would he see?

Before I met my wife, I came to a realization that I needed to sort myself out, completely. I realized that substantial change needed to occur with my deepest desires. There were three principles that helped.

Be true – I spent twenty years being highly successful at goals that had little meaning to me. While capital generated from external success was, and remains, useful. It didn’t generate lasting satisfaction. The time I’ve spent on self-reflection has proven extremely valuable. Start by stoping what makes you unhappy to create space for more of what makes you happy. Pay attention to things, and people, that make you laugh out loud.

Live openly – I’ve been blogging for a decade and have been working on my skills to be more and more honest with the people in my life. It takes a lot of compassion, and trust, to have an open relationship but it’s deeply rewarding to have a marriage that works.

Avoidance – I have limited willpower so I’ve made a habit of avoidance. I rarely leave the house for social events, skip bachelor parties, don’t frequent bars, and ride my bicycle all day when I go on vacation. It’s been that way for a long, long while.

You might wonder… how the heck did this guy meet his wife?

Well, I spent five days a week training alongside her when I was trying to win an Ironman race. I spent many years living my life the way I wanted and improving my thought patterns. I did this to try and win an Ironman but the spin off benefit was attracting a woman that deeply shared the values that I built within myself.

I just “was” and she was there.

I’m sharing because many young people wonder how, and if, they will ever attract a mate. If you create the life you want to lead and the person you want to be… then you tilt the odds in your favor and your life, while single, is a lot of fun. People might not agree with your decisions but, when they are open and true, any criticism will flow through you more easily.

There is a lot of peer pressure, and sophisticated marketing, that tempts us to drop our standards when we are on holiday, when nobody is looking or when we think we’ve earned a break.

Secret eating, secret sexual relations, secret drinking, even small things like littering… eroded the image of the man that I wanted to be. By teaching myself to create good habits, I became the sort of person I wanted to marry.

What happens in Vegas shapes our lives.

Choose Wisely.

A few months ago, I asked Monica her game plan if something happened to me unexpectedly. Despite thinking that I’d laid everything out, she didn’t have one!

So I wrote out a plan that would take care of her and the kids. The plan seemed like a good idea, so I decided to execute it immediately, rather than waiting for something unpleasant to happen to me, or the family’s financial position forcing us to make changes when we weren’t in a position of strength. 

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When my grandmother moved into assisted care, she was amazed (and a little depressed) at how little value was placed on her possessions. Having downsized a number of times, I could relate. While I’m downsizing for myself, an added bonus for my family is not having to worry about sorting through all my gear. I’ve had relatives that end their lives with multiple 40-foot containers of stuff, which places a burden on their spouses who have to sort through everything.

If we are fortunate to live long and prosper then, gradually, everything is striped away from us. As an athlete, I suspect that physical decline will prove challenging (but I’m coping so far). Keeping my world as large as possible, for as long as possible, is a big motivator for me to exercise and stay strong. Assuming that I keep at it for 40 years, I’m hoping to be in decent shape in my 80s. In Boulder, we have many active role models in their 60s, 70s and 80s.

The risk, to my family and young wife, is my mind leaves before I do.To help the survivors, I’ve chosen to insure my “living dead” risk via a long-term care policy. My policy is indexed to inflation and set at 120% of the current cost for me to go into long-term care. This benefits my family, if I live a very long time, and benefits me, if I’m incapacitated. It seemed like very good value as the expected payout for the insurance company is low but the potential liability for me could be very large.

The other thing I did was create a living trust that holds most of my assets. This simplifies the management of my affairs for the survivors. You don’t need to be a 1%’er for this structure to make sense. I linked up an FAQ to provide you with additional info. Combined with the living trust, my will dumps any remainder of my estate into the trust.

There are benefits available to your family from the above structure – so worth a review with an estate planner that understands your situation.

So I insured the main risk that could wipe out my family’s financial position and set up an efficient legal structure for my estate. The next step was to provide my wife with a copy of the family’s balance sheet with contact details and account numbers. In the event that I was incapacitated, my wife has a power of attorney so she can manage everything on our behalf. A similar power of attorney comes back to me, from her. As a side note, be very careful with granting power of attorneys as they are very powerful legal documents and I have seen them misused on multiple occasions.

Now, when I ask the question, Monica says she will pull out “the paper” (a single sheet) and follow along. With a couple more years to chip away, I hope to make my life structure even more straightforward for her.

When I was born, my paternal grandparents were 44 years old. 2012 marks my 44th year and my grandparents are nearing the end of their lives. For them, life is coming full circle and I’ve been helping with their end of life care.

Last month, I visited my grandfather. In advance, I’d been told that his memory wasn’t great – probably due to a combination of age, a recent injury and either Alzheimer’s or Dementia.

Facing a reduction in our mental capacity carries all sorts of biases and stigmas. Even writing about it, I’m cautious, as I don’t want to create needless suffering for other family members. 

If we live long enough then we’re likely to be impacted by a gradual, but steady, reduction in our capacity to concentrate and retain the information that we use to make sense of the world. There’s value in sharing what I experienced as it was different than I expected.

My grandfather’s short-term memory is shot but a warm spirit continues to live inside. His capacity to feel happiness runs strongly through him. He surprised me with the strength of his handshake and the radiance he’d periodically direct towards me. Turns out you don’t need much memory to feel very, very happy at seeing your grandson.

Before I met with him, I primed myself by reflecting on favorite memories. You’ll come across this pshycological technique in everything from spiritual texts to manuals on how-to-sell anything. If you are with someone that’s truly suffering then sharing pleasant memories is a way to ease their pain. 

When we were together, I focused on his warmth rather than the conversation, which was circular. I was surprised that he retained a good sense of humor, despite his condition.

What most surprised me was how his warmth has lived on within me. Since my visit, I continue to feel happiness and can recall the touch of his hand in mine. The visit gave a very, very strong imprint from him to me.

His time is nearly done but I continue to carry the love he showed me into the world.

Worth remembering as we move through our brief lives.