Family Spending Principles

West Ridge, Eldora

An observation that I am trying to pass along to my kids.

My never ending desires are rooted in a false idea of what will make me happy. I have a clear idea about the structure of the days that are “better.” Achieving better is easier, and more rewarding, than chasing pleasure from purchases.


To help me achieve “better”, I have a series of principles.

1/ Visible spending for wife, first // This works on a number of levels.

  • Don’t buy something for yourself that you wouldn’t buy for your entire family.
  • It easier to be value conscious when I remove myself from the purchase equation.
  • It’s just good policy.

2/ The minimum outlay to meet the underlying need

Strangely, I got this via Joe Friel on coaching masters athletes => the minimum, and the most specific, training to get the desired physiological adaption.

Capital takes time to acquire and is easily squandered (spendthrift heirs and lottery winners are common examples).

A default to the minimum reduces the scale of my (inevitable) errors and increases the ability to change my mind later.

3/ Do not sweat the small stuff – set a Give A Hoot threshold (links to Marriage Money article)

Set an annual plan, track the cash quarterly and promise you will not sweat the small stuff. Good people are made miserable by tracking every nickel.

Stay out of the weeds so your mind is able to think and get the big things right.

4/ Avoid Choices That Have A Material Cost to Hold => this applies across domains (assets, leases, friends, family, commitments, Facebook/eMail). The math from yesterday.

There are many ways to find yourself over-extended… debt service, cash flow, emotion & time.

Exit bad decisions => they crush you on all levels.

Mark Allen on pacing…

just because you’ve made a bad decision, doesn’t mean you have to continue it


Combine these principles and you’ll find the sum is worth more than the parts.


Dropping into West Turbo. Pali Chair, A-Basin.

My son asked about the last big purchase I made, other than real estate.

My off-the-cuff answer was “we don’t spend much money” but that didn’t line up with what I know about our cash flow statement.

So I spent January thinking about it. Next time, the best financial choices I’ve made across my marriage (16 years this summer).

Family Financial Review: Portfolio Allocation


Thursday, I shared my thoughts on the real risks I face. That’s where the action happens in my life.

Still, this is a financial review, so it’s the right time to consider asset allocation.

Having spent 30+ years locking in my Core Cost of Living, the main choice I face is how much cash/bonds/no-return assets to hold.

Here’s how I approach that topic.


There is a cost to holding cash, especially today. Zero, or negative, yield.

Cash is exposed to the “ravages of inflation” – on one side.

Cash earns nothing, while you watch bitcoin, prime real estate and other asset classes skyrocket – on the other side.

Against those costs there are benefits. The three biggest (for me) are:

  • a call option to benefit from a future crisis
  • serenity
  • cash/bonds dampen the volatility of my portfolio.

Now, here’s the questions I ask..

1/. How many “years” do I need to feel serene? This will depend on your psychological make-up, earning capacity, earnings diversity and age.

Getting my net-cashflow-burn down is the only way I’ve been able to feel serene. I just don’t have the psychological make-up to soothe myself via luxury spending, more assets or more income.

2/. How many dollars might I need to capitalize on the coming apocalypse? Being able to buy real assets in a down market will make you happy for a long, long time. I’m still happy about a couple purchases I made in 2010.

My financial assets provide me with an opportunity to get out there and live my life. Financial assets provide very little inherent satisfaction – this is a good thing as I can remain (mostly) detached in downturns.

Our actions in the real world provide satisfaction => share experiences (ideally in nature) with people you respect and love.


BTW, here’s a 2019 article I wrote about wealthy people talking about cash. Back in 2019, many wanted to be in cash. Roll forward to 2021, some of the same folks want to be out of cash! Personally, I’m about the same. I spent the intervening period paying off my mortgage and clearing my car loan.

Family Financial Review: Risk, Worry, Ruin


I ended Wednesday by asking, Am I worried about the right things?

It’s easy to get distracted by the noise surrounding our lives.

Do you know your key risks?

It varies between people and over time => focus on habits that might lead to ruin (leverage, lack of impulse control, smoking, substance abuse…).

See also my review from 2019.

Set your financial life up so it runs on autopilot.

Did you read the PDF from yesterday? Good reminders at any age, as well as an embedded reading list.

Things I focus on more than my portfolio…

  • Near-term: keeping up with my teenagers – what is it going to take to share the outdoors with my family when I’m 60?
  • Medium-term: personal engagement when my kids are gone – what will I do with more time, and less energy?
  • Health: poor choices increasing my risk for cancer and other health issues
  • End of Life: my body outlives my brain

My actions today reflect awareness of the real risks in my life.

My portfolio? Good enough is good enough. Avoid unforced errors and keep on keeping on.

Don’t assume these answers.

Do the calculations from Wednesday, reflect on your life, write it down, review annually…

Then get out there and enjoy 2021.

Family Financial Review: Time


Tuesday’s post ended with the observation that I pay myself in time.

So, how much time have you got?

Let’s find out.


Scale It => Relate Your Exposure To Your Balance Sheet

I recommend you look at things a few different ways. Print this out and write your numbers on the page.

Make it real, especially if you’re financially fearful.

  • Gross assets / Core Cost of Living = years
  • Net assets / Core Cost of Living = years
  • Net assets / Net annual cash movement = years
  • Net assets / Net annual cash movement (excluding active income) = years
  • Cash / Core Cost of Living = years
  • Cash / Net annual cash movement = years
  • Cash / Net annual cash movement (excluding active income) = years
  • Cash / Gross assets = percentage
  • Cash / Net assets = percentage

I include bond holdings in cash. I focus on the BOLD, while considering each line.

Armed with the above, you can get a feel for how much time is available to you, based on how you are living today.

It’s easy to get fixated on income/spending and lose track of time. The best investments I made in my 30s involved trading money for time.

We tend to over-value money vs time => you can do great deals for yourself once you prove your worth to your firm.

Related => it doesn’t take much time to greatly increase the quality of your personal life. As a triathlon coach, I’d get my athletes to carve out one weekday morning per week where they’d start work late. This would enable us to make Sunday life-focused and spread their training load.

Discretionary/Luxury Spending – will fall outside your Core Cost of Living. My advice here is “pay yourself first” – slice your investment program off the top of each paycheck before you get a chance to spend it.

Don’t borrow any money (personally) until the first credit crisis after your 30th birthday. Then, borrow modestly to purchase real assets that are being priced down due to a banking crisis.

Across the 40-50 years of your working life, you will not miss luxuries not purchased.

As for overall strategy, there is a great PDF here. As the PDF will explain, don’t get distracted, by those who want to profit from complexity!

Focus on what matters: (1) spending vs new capital saved; (2) learning to think in time, not money; and (3) good enough is good enough (low cost, persistent investment, across long time horizons).

Maybe I should add #4… the best stuff in my life happens between people – shared experiences with those I love.

People, not portfolios.


To get ready for tomorrow…

Ask a confidant… When I talk about money, what do you hear?

With your financial concerns… Am I worrying about the right thing?

Family Financial Review: Winning


Monday’s post here – tomorrow we will start using the data you’ve prepared.

Before we get into the analysis, let’s discuss the game.

My game is NOT won by building income, assets and spending.

Something I hope to teach my kids about money:

Any choice made to appear rich has an underlying effect of reducing family wealth.

My game => increase discretionary time while getting the net burn to zero.

I’m willing to wager you will not feel free, or serene, until you get close to that point.

“That point” being where you can sit back and not care about the ups and downs of the world. Being able to sit with equanimity will improve your thinking, and your relationships.

It’s going to take a while to get there. Here’s something I wrote in 2016 about the process.

I hope you read the link – I chipped away for 31 years and am a better man, on a smaller balance sheet.

The main thing to remember is each time you get an attractive opportunity to lock in a piece of your core cost of living, take it.

Pay yourself in time.


Philosophy of Status

Don’t think I have transcended my human drive to compete for status.

What I’ve done is (try to) channel it away from external approval, virtue signaling and consumption.

Needing a place to allocate this drive, it goes into my writing, marriage, quality of thought and daily actions. For a long time, my drive went into my sport.

Redirection is a whole lot easier than transcendance.

Family Financial Review: Set Up


The picture is what it cost to send a first class letter when I married my lovely wife. The 55c cost today (+34%) is a reminder that inflation ticks away one penny at a time.

When it comes to inflation/deflation, I like to maintain a neutral position. More broadly, I seek to avoid the need to pick winners.

I also avoid making predictions about an unknowable future. Most importantly, because it’s impossible (!) but also because I have no idea what my life is going to be like ten years from now.

What follows is present-focused.


Quantify Your Exposure

Start with your core cost of living – that’s what’s going to inflate and outliving your money is a key risk.

What’s in my Core Cost of Living?

  • Healthcare ($19,300 of premiums and $7,200 to a family HSA for a plan with a $14K family deductible) – this sector is ripe for disruption, I get little for my spending
  • Taxes, Utilities, Car Costs and Insurance
  • Food, Clothing and Kid Activities
  • Childcare – a massive line item 2009 to 2019, now a source of income for the family, our middle-schooler is a sitter
  • Mortgage, rent, car loans – my main project from 2010 to 2020 was getting this down to zero – once that was achieved, I went a step further and turned it into a source of income

Next, consider your sources of passive and active income. Rents, royalties, dividends, interest (at least in the good old days), consulting and any other forms of income. Write it all out.

Compare your Cost of Living with the Sources of Income and calculate your net burn rate, or your net annual surplus.

Net annual surplus gets routed to discretionary spending, luxury items and/or new investment capital.

The best investment decision I ever made had nothing to do with asset allocation. From 1990 to 2008, I routed 50% of my gross income to new investment capital.

In my early 20s – healthcare costs were peanuts, no childcare costs, living in a shared apartment… I saved a ton. Good thing, too. I had no idea how much my cost of living would pop when I had kids.

My 40s (2009 to 2018) saw unexpected unemployment combine with a big jump in childcare, healthcare and housing costs. This resulted in a burn rate that forced us to make a series of changes, and choices, which proved quite useful in hindsight.


Also write out your balance sheet – assets and liabilities.

Include a liability called “deferred tax and agent’s fees“. Estimate this liability as 6% of the gross value of all the real estate you own plus 25% of all the capital gains in your portfolio (exclude the exempt portion of the gain on your primary residence). Making this number real will help you avoid incurring unnecessary expenses by tinkering with your assets.

The best time to sell great assets is never.

Let it roll.