When I decided to move, I had a hunch that we wouldn’t change unless we removed our alternatives. While we made progress with streamlining ahead of the move, our two shipping containers worth of gear show that we didn’t change the way we lived.

Reducing the family’s available space by over 50% has resulted in automatic adjustments – there simply isn’t any space. To help us let go, we opted for a furnished rental. The idea was to break our attachment to our furnishings and not be reminded of the old place.

When I started this process, I was unsure what to keep. What helped was a decision to knock out 50%. I sorted everything and kept the best half of everything (suits, bike clothes, socks, underwear…). While I was doing that, I paid attention to:

• what I wear
• what I use 
• what I eat

Between clothes, assets and ingredients, a list of 20 items covered the bulk of each category. 

For example with food… eggs, quinoa, coconut oil, lettuce, peppers, olives, olive oil, avocados, mixed nuts, salad dressing, wraps, turkey, coffee, soy milk, clif bars, INfinit, cucumbers, fruit salad, non-fat dairy // that covers most of my calories. Some of the items have their own ingredients but you get my drift. I can live off a simple list of items that I can easily remember. I spend ZERO energy thinking about the food I buy, prepare or eat. Find what works, make it a habit, repeat.

When I decided to simplify, I felt pain each time I had to let go of something. A tactic I used to soothe the pain was to give myself treats as I downsized. I bought a new Garmin out of the proceeds from selling two pick-up trucks worth of sports equipment. 

Another tactic was to tell myself that I could always add back something that I removed. That’s a trick that I learned when I made a decision to leave private equity in my early 30s. I’ve often told myself that the worst that will happen is I get my old life back. Perhaps with less money, or status, (!) but you’ll be able to get back there if you change slowly, with compassion.

I’ve been using the 50% tactic throughout my life. Earlier this year, I wrote about my desire to take a sabbatical. However, in looking deeply, I realized that getting away from everything wasn’t my true driver.

I looked at my life, specifically where I spend my time; as writer, father, husband, coach, athlete, competitor, business owner, gardener, home owner, garbage mover, driver, plant watering specialist, light bulb changer, cat poop scooper…

Similar to my clothes and athletic equipment, I was attached to where I was spending my time – I even enjoyed litterbox duty. However, I wanted to create space so I needed to free up time.

While not easy, the following changes are simple to execute:

A – reduce your stuff by 50%, wait two months, repeat

B – create a time log for your workweek and eliminate the bottom 50% of your hours when sorted on financial return – focus on your best opportunities and eliminate work situations that are an emotional drain

C – live in a place that is 50% smaller – gardening, trash, light bulbs, compost — even if you keep doing everything, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how much time you save when everything is compressed

D – move to a location that reduces your weekly drive time by 50% – I moved 1.7 miles and added 100 hours (!) to my year

E – figure out three things you want to prioritize – get in the habit of saying no to everything else

F – wake up one hour earlier, don’t check email, spend 15 minutes of quiet time then do one household chore

So those are my six changes in the first six months of 2012. 

It’s not all about “less.” What I’m seeking to achieve is getting out in the world, more often, with the people I love.

The hardest part is the first step. 

Take one good idea and do it now.

In the book, Raising Cain, the authors note that many boys drink to shut down their capacity to think. As an athlete, being exhausted from exercise is quite similar to being loaded. There’s not a whole lot of quality thought happening!

Whether we’re focusing on parenting, adolescence or our current life situation, it can be tempting to numb ourselves and escape a gnawing sensation that we might not be heading the right direction.

The trouble with numbing ourselves with exercise, alcohol, sex, work, pastries, ice cream or toast… is we might not get anywhere worth going.

By the way, when I wonder about my life, I fall back to my personal mission (share love with Monica, help others with my writing and teach my kids how I experience the world). Have I done something on each point recently? If yes, then relax. If no, then change.

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When you’re exhausted, loaded or unwatched… who are you?

If there was an invisible friend on your shoulder, what would he see?

Before I met my wife, I came to a realization that I needed to sort myself out, completely. I realized that substantial change needed to occur with my deepest desires. There were three principles that helped.

Be true – I spent twenty years being highly successful at goals that had little meaning to me. While capital generated from external success was, and remains, useful. It didn’t generate lasting satisfaction. The time I’ve spent on self-reflection has proven extremely valuable. Start by stoping what makes you unhappy to create space for more of what makes you happy. Pay attention to things, and people, that make you laugh out loud.

Live openly – I’ve been blogging for a decade and have been working on my skills to be more and more honest with the people in my life. It takes a lot of compassion, and trust, to have an open relationship but it’s deeply rewarding to have a marriage that works.

Avoidance – I have limited willpower so I’ve made a habit of avoidance. I rarely leave the house for social events, skip bachelor parties, don’t frequent bars, and ride my bicycle all day when I go on vacation. It’s been that way for a long, long while.

You might wonder… how the heck did this guy meet his wife?

Well, I spent five days a week training alongside her when I was trying to win an Ironman race. I spent many years living my life the way I wanted and improving my thought patterns. I did this to try and win an Ironman but the spin off benefit was attracting a woman that deeply shared the values that I built within myself.

I just “was” and she was there.

I’m sharing because many young people wonder how, and if, they will ever attract a mate. If you create the life you want to lead and the person you want to be… then you tilt the odds in your favor and your life, while single, is a lot of fun. People might not agree with your decisions but, when they are open and true, any criticism will flow through you more easily.

There is a lot of peer pressure, and sophisticated marketing, that tempts us to drop our standards when we are on holiday, when nobody is looking or when we think we’ve earned a break.

Secret eating, secret sexual relations, secret drinking, even small things like littering… eroded the image of the man that I wanted to be. By teaching myself to create good habits, I became the sort of person I wanted to marry.

What happens in Vegas shapes our lives.

Choose Wisely.

A few months ago, I asked Monica her game plan if something happened to me unexpectedly. Despite thinking that I’d laid everything out, she didn’t have one!

So I wrote out a plan that would take care of her and the kids. The plan seemed like a good idea, so I decided to execute it immediately, rather than waiting for something unpleasant to happen to me, or the family’s financial position forcing us to make changes when we weren’t in a position of strength. 

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When my grandmother moved into assisted care, she was amazed (and a little depressed) at how little value was placed on her possessions. Having downsized a number of times, I could relate. While I’m downsizing for myself, an added bonus for my family is not having to worry about sorting through all my gear. I’ve had relatives that end their lives with multiple 40-foot containers of stuff, which places a burden on their spouses who have to sort through everything.

If we are fortunate to live long and prosper then, gradually, everything is striped away from us. As an athlete, I suspect that physical decline will prove challenging (but I’m coping so far). Keeping my world as large as possible, for as long as possible, is a big motivator for me to exercise and stay strong. Assuming that I keep at it for 40 years, I’m hoping to be in decent shape in my 80s. In Boulder, we have many active role models in their 60s, 70s and 80s.

The risk, to my family and young wife, is my mind leaves before I do.To help the survivors, I’ve chosen to insure my “living dead” risk via a long-term care policy. My policy is indexed to inflation and set at 120% of the current cost for me to go into long-term care. This benefits my family, if I live a very long time, and benefits me, if I’m incapacitated. It seemed like very good value as the expected payout for the insurance company is low but the potential liability for me could be very large.

The other thing I did was create a living trust that holds most of my assets. This simplifies the management of my affairs for the survivors. You don’t need to be a 1%’er for this structure to make sense. I linked up an FAQ to provide you with additional info. Combined with the living trust, my will dumps any remainder of my estate into the trust.

There are benefits available to your family from the above structure – so worth a review with an estate planner that understands your situation.

So I insured the main risk that could wipe out my family’s financial position and set up an efficient legal structure for my estate. The next step was to provide my wife with a copy of the family’s balance sheet with contact details and account numbers. In the event that I was incapacitated, my wife has a power of attorney so she can manage everything on our behalf. A similar power of attorney comes back to me, from her. As a side note, be very careful with granting power of attorneys as they are very powerful legal documents and I have seen them misused on multiple occasions.

Now, when I ask the question, Monica says she will pull out “the paper” (a single sheet) and follow along. With a couple more years to chip away, I hope to make my life structure even more straightforward for her.

When I was born, my paternal grandparents were 44 years old. 2012 marks my 44th year and my grandparents are nearing the end of their lives. For them, life is coming full circle and I’ve been helping with their end of life care.

Last month, I visited my grandfather. In advance, I’d been told that his memory wasn’t great – probably due to a combination of age, a recent injury and either Alzheimer’s or Dementia.

Facing a reduction in our mental capacity carries all sorts of biases and stigmas. Even writing about it, I’m cautious, as I don’t want to create needless suffering for other family members. 

If we live long enough then we’re likely to be impacted by a gradual, but steady, reduction in our capacity to concentrate and retain the information that we use to make sense of the world. There’s value in sharing what I experienced as it was different than I expected.

My grandfather’s short-term memory is shot but a warm spirit continues to live inside. His capacity to feel happiness runs strongly through him. He surprised me with the strength of his handshake and the radiance he’d periodically direct towards me. Turns out you don’t need much memory to feel very, very happy at seeing your grandson.

Before I met with him, I primed myself by reflecting on favorite memories. You’ll come across this pshycological technique in everything from spiritual texts to manuals on how-to-sell anything. If you are with someone that’s truly suffering then sharing pleasant memories is a way to ease their pain. 

When we were together, I focused on his warmth rather than the conversation, which was circular. I was surprised that he retained a good sense of humor, despite his condition.

What most surprised me was how his warmth has lived on within me. Since my visit, I continue to feel happiness and can recall the touch of his hand in mine. The visit gave a very, very strong imprint from him to me.

His time is nearly done but I continue to carry the love he showed me into the world.

Worth remembering as we move through our brief lives.

On Endurance Corner, you can find background to how, and why, I use couple retreats. I’m back from a week away with Monica – this is the third quarter (in a row) where we managed to spend a week together, outside of our normal lives.

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Technology Review

The pull of technology amazed me – it took five days for me to lose a powerful urge to check email and google news. I’ll need to do a better job with communicating my break next time as I inadvertently left a couple people in a lurch.

Creating a life where I can take frequent, extended breaks from email is on my to-do-list. Email contains my least productive hours but is a key communication route for a few people that are important to me.

Two years on from starting inbox zero, I’ve made progress. On my last email break (15 days, January 2011), I came back to thousands of messages that required days of sifting. The insanity of that life gave me a huge incentive change.

This week I came back to 175 messages, which took me an hour to sift down to 42 that I’ll action. I have a filter set up for athlete workouts and that’s another 235 messages to review.

In two years, the changes I’ve made have freed up the equivalent of one working day per week and I know that I’m still improving.

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Professional Life Review

The key question that I asked myself: In my working life, where do I add the most value?

Helping highly successful people optimize their time, learn from errors and structure their lives to achieve their goals.

Then I made a list of items that take my time that don’t directly contribute to the three key areas above. My action list for May is delegating/subcontracting those items.

Another way to ask the same question: Why am I paid to be on the team?

Considering my personal life, what does my spouse love doing with me? As it turns out, Monica loves unstructured, unscheduled time with me – and the opportunity to do her own training each day – and some time alone to read. At our core, we are very similar.

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Personal Review

Two years ago, I asked the question: What skill, if learned to the best of my ability, would change my life?

Contemplative study to enhance my ability to be clear in thought, advice and action // essential for me to be the man I want to be.

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Having spent the winter doing strategic planning, the main insights were about staying-the-course and areas where I can prune/simplify my life.

Hope this helps,

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One of my favorite authors is Gordon Livingston. In his book on love, he advises us to consider how others make us feel. I’ve extended the advice to consider more than just people (situations, types of food, language, daily actions, websites). I’ve changed my life by trimming little stressors in my life.

While I am aware of the trap of seeing the source of emotions coming from outside my mind, taking responsibility for the situations in my life has been both useful and empowering.

Another favorite author, particularly on business and investing, is Charlie Munger. Munger’s key tip is “always invert”. By this, he warns us to consider what-if the opposite happens. My chart two weeks ago on interest rates is one indication that I’m likely to see large, unexpected changes in my lifetime.

When faced with choices involving people (not always my strong suit), I mix and match Livingston’s and Munger’s advice:

• How’s this situation making me feel?
• How am I impacting this situation?
• Inverting… How do I feel when I’m not in the situation?
• Inverting… What impact can I have elsewhere in my life?

Each time I realize that I have a choice not to participate is a breakthrough. I can get caught up in emotional tennis – batting situations back-and-forth, without end, deepening a pattern of stress and conflict. Remembering that I have a choice to remove myself, or simply take a break for week, can lead to meaningful change.

Even when life is calm, I like to step outside my routine to gain perspective. My wife and I are going through a transition with our children arriving so this week we are taking a cybervacation and spending it with each other.

Our agenda is to discuss family strategy and consider how we would live if we knew we were going to die… …a trick question that I frequently ask myself.

Choose wisely.

By my 45th birthday, I’m planning to have made a series of changes to benefit my family and create new opportunities for my 50s.

At Epic Camp, we had a motto, “Many Talk, Few Do.” You may have read the talk at the end of last year – since then, I’ve been working on the do.

The first wave of change is to downsize, declutter and create space for my family. I do best with simple targets so I have been halving all the externals in my life: cars, clothing, investments, non-family commitments, house size, as well as anything that takes time or sends me a monthly bill.

A helpful resource was this Zenhabits article on decluttering. A good friend of mine has managed a 5:1 downsize ratio over the last two years. I’ve been chipping away since last December – the project seems daunting, generates periodic pain and requires frequent communication so my wife doesn’t think I’ve gone nuts!

I’m most rational about my material life when I’m separated from my possessions. The biggest example of this is my house – when I’m away, the decision to place it on the market is obvious. Sitting in my home office… less so. To have clarity on the life I want to create, my strategic planning is done away from my current life.

The 50% goal gets me focused on sticking with the items that are useful and let’s me keep some useless stuff that I’m not ready to part with. I figure I can go for another 50% reduction when I’m ready.

When I clear out a room, I feel great. Clutter creates background fatigue that’s hidden from view when you’re living in it. I should have followed the ZenHabits tip to take before and after photos for motivation.

My buddy kicked off his decluttering project by renting out his house. I’m going a step further and placing mine on the market. That puts a fixed date for me to get my act together. Five dumpster loads have been taken away so far and I’m only a fifth of the way through the rooms in my house.

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On the technology side, I figured I’d shoot for a 50% reduction. I am powerless with the internet so I took the radical step of deactivating Facebook and cutting my Twitter follows by 80%.

I miss my cyber-pals but I don’t miss all the crap in my head. If you follow me on twitter then you’ll notice that my signal to noise ratio has improved considerably in the last six months.

When I have doubts about the change, I remind myself that the things that give my life meaning – helping others, riding my bike and sharing love with my family – none require constant connectivity.

I’ve been spending time with friends that are far more experienced, smart and productive than me. Seeing how highly productive people run their lives helps me lift my game.

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The most difficult part is choosing to say “not now” to my friends. This process reminds me of the parable of the shepherd that’s shared in The Alchemist. With a bit of luck, I’ll find the gold that’s buried right here with my family.

What’s your personal legend?

What can we learn from people that follow their passion and choose the road less travelled?

In conducting my interviews, I realized that the best advice could be applied immediately. I didn’t need to leave my life to apply my friends’ best advice. This week, I’ll share two tips that we can apply now.

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Outcome Focus — some quotes to set the scene:

• I’d made a little money, I was unemployed and I had some things I wanted to do. Once I gave myself permission to do anything, my bucket list came together very quickly.
• Don’t seek to find yourself, before you start the journey, know what you want to get done.
• I gave myself five years to get it done.

Those quotes come from friends that climbed Everest, changed careers and won Ironman triathlons (not all the same person!).

Listening to them, it struck me that outcomes are an effective way to organize a life. Champion athletes are excellent at honing their lives down to a single outcome focus.

I’ve made a shift and created an outcome list that is related to my Top Ten List. The benefit of an Outcome List is it helps me filter opportunities and prioritize. It also gives me comfort when I need to say “no” or focus elsewhere.

Filter through your desired outcomes. What are you trying to get done?

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Re-entry Strategy — before you leave, give thought to your return; because…

• I didn’t plan on going back but I took a leave of absence in case I changed my mind
• I had no idea where I would end up but I had a clear idea about the people that I wanted to keep in my life
• I wanted to change direction but discovered that I was most valuable staying in a similar field.
• I took a break to discover that my replacement had taken my job, permanently.

High quality opportunites are rare. Think very carefully before you leave a world-class organization, or burn a bridge with anyone.

With that in mind, the best ideas that I received for staying in touch were:

• Schedule something fun to share with the key people in your life
• When you do something unique, write about it
• Consider researching a new business opportunity for your current employer

Each of the above, creates options within your life.

Related to the above, in my 20s, I had the opportunity to attend business school. I declined because I realized that I was exactly where I wanted to be. I was living my desired outcome.

Most my friends that took sabbaticals re-discovered how much they loved their current life (that they thought they needed to change). They were grateful for an effective re-entry strategy.

Genuine friendships, based on shared experiences, have tremendous value.

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