Category Archives: Uncategorized

Send Prayers Not Panic

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flowersMy daughter broke her arm in April. The mini-crisis provided me with a case study in how we cope with stress.

Here’s a typical conversation:

Friend: I’m so glad she’s OK, I couldn’t sleep the night that I heard the news.
G: Your reaction is what I expected. You know, I wonder if the most compassionate thing to do is let situations resolve themselves and not trigger a massive wave of worry through the community. Worry is a distraction from what matters.

Friend: What about prayer? I believe in the power of prayer to help heal Lexi.
G: So do I, and thank you for your prayer. However, looking deeper, was it prayer that kept you up at night? For every prayer we received, I felt so much worry. I don’t think the worry is productive.

In fact, I have seen situations where not communicating with someone triggers anger (because they were denied the opportunity to worry on my behalf).

It’s an interesting conundrum.

I’ve been watching a similar pattern play out, on a larger scale, with the health of Thich Nhat Hanh, one of the greatest teachers of my lifetime. During the small crisis in our family, I followed the lead of this larger community.

I focused on getting expert support for my daughter.

Within my inner circle, I let people express themselves fully, answered their questions and followed up to address their concerns.

…and life continued onwards.

100% CostCo 85% Vegan

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2015-05-03 18.09.49I bought Rich & Julie’s new book, The Plantpower Way, and we’re looking at increasing the nutritional quality of our diet.

To get a start point, I thought I’d share how I’ve been eating over the last year.

In running through my diet, I realized that I could buy everything at CostCo! That made me smile. I do love the place.

I also realized that I’m ~85% plant based, at least under my own roof.

I have three meals that I eat most days. I’m not all that particular about when I eat them.

Fruit salad – chopped apple, berries, granola, vanilla soy milk, plain greek yoghurt

Veggie salad – mixing bowl of veggies, avocado, seeds and nuts – served with salmon, chicken or nothing – dressing is hummus or a miso-based product

Eggs and quinoa – scrambled eggs cooked in coconut oil, quinoa, olive oil – toss in 2 cups of reheated frozen broccoli – sometimes I toss a handful of shredded cheese on top

Snacks are: apples, dark chocolate, popcorn, unsalted premium nut mix, toast with almond butter/jam, my wife’s banana bread.

No sports drinks, colas, sodas, juices or sports bars.

I don’t eat processed food and won’t eat anything with trans-fat / hydrogenated oils / artificial sweeteners.

We eat out often. I’m not dogmatic (any more). Over the last three months, I can remember eating pizza, burgers, curries, steak and french fries.

When my wife’s out of town, I’ve been known to crack a couple beers and eat a pint of fro-yo from the freezer. My binges are a fraction of what used to happen as an elite athlete and a finance-guy.

My weight has been stable for a decade, my energy is good and my health markers are excellent.

I have a longstanding habit of zombie eating with electronics. I’ve passed this along to my kids (!) and am trying to sort in myself, first.

Effective Wealth – Due Diligence Results

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tulipsThis series started with a definition of effective wealth and a due diligence exercise for your family.

I’ll share the best tips that I received from my due diligence work:

A general liability umbrella policy can be an effective way to insure against ruin – in my life, hosting events (where athletes might die) was the source of my greatest liability. Due to my other insurance coverages, $5,000 per annum bought me $5,000,000 of coverage.

Have an expert read your insurance contract to ensure you’re covered for your key risks. I’ve reviewed draft policy documents that specifically ruled out the only reason I was buying the policy!

Paying $5,000 per annum got me thinking that there might be a better way to structure my life. There is a better way and I’ll share my family legal structure in a future post.

Hosting athletes is a low-margin business and my need for multiple insurance policies greatly reduced the profitability of the events. So I handed the events off and removed myself from their promotion and management.

In speaking with successful families, three things stood out.

#1 – the advice to share information widely and control the structure narrowly. As much as possible the family is involved and consulted on family matters. However, not more than two individuals from each generation are involved in governance. Write out the process for a family member to become a fiduciary, or trustee.

#2 – each generation must decide their own values. It’s impossible for elders of the past to influence third and fourth generation family members. The best tip here is a reminder that no matter what you do, what you decide, what you structure… there will be aspects of life that you find disappointing – in yourself, in your spouse and in your kids.

#3 – young family members should be given the opportunity to learn from mistakes early in life. No family member should be given the opportunity to bring down the entire family and individuals should experience the impact of their poor decisions.

The Village in my Sienna

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mobileMonday’s article touched on a trait that makes me an effective investor: the capacity to see the options inside the deal.

My ability to see second and third order effects isn’t limited to finance.

Last week, Mr. Money Mustache published an article about the cost of buying more assets than we need.

I confess that I am an expert at living above my needs.

The fact that I have earned the “means” does not change the reality of my choices.

A story!

Our local hospice has a partnership with an organization in Tanzania. One of their joint projects is building houses for widows and orphans.

It costs $600 to sponsor a house.

These days, I drive a 2011 Toyota Sienna AWD van. The Sportsmobile (pictured above) was sold when my kids arrived.

$600 is the semi-annual cost to insure and register my Sienna. Two houses a year.

Last week, I spent a house on new tires!

The good people at Mint.Com tell me that my Sienna is worth $21,499.

Swapping my Sienna for a cargo bike, would net 30 houses and save my family 6 houses annually, forever.

Over a decade, this choice could help 500 people with the loss of their spouse or parent.

I have been to Tanzania and these are good people to help.

The cost of this change is inconvenience when the weather isn’t great and a reduced ability to go on driving vacations.

The benefit would be knowing that hundreds of kids ride with me each day.

I told my wife that I’m going to wait a year on selling the Sienna.

However, the cargo bike arrives this month. I financed it by selling items that I put to one side last spring.

Change slowly.

How To Make Money At Real Estate

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taxiEffective last month, my family owns a house in North Boulder for a net cash cost of US$100,000. It took me a decade to get that deal done. I did a similar one in New Zealand in 2001.

When I buy, I look for a good asset, at a fair price, with built-in options that can create upside.

If you’re going to make superior returns then it will be due to an option embedded in the deal.

For example:

  • Excess land gives the option to subdivide (Boulder 2010)
  • Buying outside my “home” currency of US dollars gives the ability for international arbitrage (New Zealand 2001)
  • Buy homes for less than their cost to build (Tucson 2010)

The goal is not having a property that you would be proud to show off to your friends. Until recently, I owned a “pride” property. A 6,000 sq. ft home that earned my family nothing for the time we lived in it. Truly fantastic house, mediocre investment.

Likewise, the option should not be created by using a ton of leverage. High leverage is appropriate only when you’re using other people’s money in a non-recourse vehicle. More here.

When should you buy?

#1 – Buy when you need the asset. You rarely need the asset! Be patient.

#2 – Buy when the cost to own is FAR less than the cost to rent – see my free ebook for how to do this calculation.

#3 – Buy when banks are foreclosing – banks, governments and trustees often sell for less than fair value.

#4 – Buy when the local debt market has collapsed – a cash buyer in a liquidity crisis will receive favorable terms.

Note, these tips apply to every asset and you’re going to need substantial liquid assets to take advantage.

All of the above, imply that you should study your target market for a decade before you buy. I also recommend that you limit your equity investment to 15% of your family’s balance sheet.

Right now, we’re in a bull market and you probably feel like you will never get another chance to buy at distressed prices.

You’re wrong.

In my working life, I remember bear markets in 1990 (UK), 1997 (Asia), 2000 (US) and 2009 (Global).

Take your time and remember you don’t need to do the deal.

Once a decade, the patient investor will be sent a fat pitch.

 

Correction Without Resentment

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2015-04-01 16.55.13

A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.

— John Wooden

Coach Wooden hits the nail on the head. Looking deeper, I ask myself, as the corrector, “What am I seeking to achieve here?”

Constant correction, mostly non-verbalized, floats through my head.

Criticism, dissatisfaction, endless tweaking and optimization… what purpose does it serve?

What is the source of this correction?

  • Is it habit?
  • Is it altruism?
  • Is it a desire to alleviate the pain I see from watching you suffer?

Too often, my correction-by-habit makes my family suffer.

Sit quietly in a room full of children. Notice two things…

  • How little the master teachers correct.
  • How much the novice parents correct.

The frazzled parents beg for the children to listen.

When I catch myself, I slow down to see if the situation will resolve itself.

It’s humbling to realize how much of the distraction I create by hurrying.

How do the masters get through to us…

  • Fix myself first
  • Shared laughter
  • Wait until asked
  • Keep it short

When I am tempted to carpet bomb my Facebook feed, I remind myself that the world is filled with good people, particularly in the homes of my enemies. What might those good people need from me?

Share a laugh, keep it short and remember…

…the important stuff happens under my own roof.

Elder, Mentor, Adviser

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foxy_ladyMy youth, my 20s and my 30s were characterized by a lack of charm.

Fortunately, I had some habits that smoothed the waves I left in my wake!

What habits smooth relationships?

  • I’m on time
  • I do what’s asked of me
  • When I can’t do something I tell you
  • I express myself clearly

If we invert those points then we arrive at a list that will ensure you move away from success…

Chronically late, inability to complete simple tasks, no/slow replies and indirect communication.

+++

About clear communication… it takes trust to have the courage to speak clearly and directly.

It also takes emotional depth to be able to receive honest feedback.

Two things that I’m working on here:

  • Be conscious of my effect on the world
  • Stop when I am triggered and search inwards, rather than attack outwards

+++

I was chatting with a member of my family council about the best fiduciary we know.

What makes our friend outstanding?

It’s not his capacity to execute, his technical knowledge or his connections => all of these are excellent.

He has three characteristics that are rare to find in a highly competent individual:

  1. The ability to sit, listen and observe
  2. The capacity to entertain points of view that are outside his preference and training
  3. A willingness to inconvenience himself to do the right thing.

+++

I’ll share with you that my idea of active listening is forcing my mouth shut while I struggle to hold a list of “to do” items in my head. When a gap appears in the conversation, these pour out of me.

Like me, you might be prone to the mistaken belief that you have to fix every thing you touch.

My friend, a world-class non-executive director, is effective by listening, considering alternatives and being open to small acts of assistance.

Beyond Positive Addiction

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rainbowPopular culture is filled with inspirational stories about people leaving the darkness of negative habits by shifting towards a positive addiction.

If you make the change, and awaken the giant within, then you may find a huge source of energy.

With this burst of energy, you will start to attract people as well as “what you think you need.”

This isn’t wishy-washy philosophy. It’s how the world works – positive results flow from positive actions.

Consider a charismatic leader, especially those with a dark backstory, and note their ability to attract what they want.

Students, wealthy clients, groupies, money, notoriety… all of these flowed (on a small scale, thankfully) as I tapped into my positive addictions.

At this point, there is a trap waiting for us.

The trap is thinking that embracing a positive addiction is The Way.

A more accurate description is embracing a positive addiction can be an effective way to shift self-destructive habits.

But what next?

If we’re not careful then we might become a guru of positive addiction!

Which might work, until it doesn’t work.

When life starts to fray, our addiction will remind us that we run the risk of returning to our old life. It might say… you must continue along the path of positive addiction or you’ll slide back towards obesity, sloth and alcoholism!

After 20 years of better choices, I’m starting to realize that my fears don’t fit the facts.

What to do?

Continue the path of self-improvement by releasing the grip of my positive addictions:

  • Competition
  • Vanity
  • Greed
  • External Validation
  • Emotional Pain

Allow myself to consider the alternative of gently letting go of habits that don’t seem to be working any more.

When more ceases to work, consider trying less.

Becoming Mommy

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Inbox HellWhen your inbox starts to look like this week’s picture, you might wonder if there’s a better way to serve your family.

Having made a shift away from the corporate world, I thought that I’d share what you can expect.

Manage Your Expectations – give yourself 1,000 days to get the hang of your new role. Today, my daughter calls me her Second Mommy but we didn’t always have that sort of relationship.

Don’t Expect A Thank You or a Favorable Performance Review – in the corporate world I loved tests, projects and feedback. They were objective measurements of how great I was doing. You won’t be getting any of that kind of feedback from your preschoolers. Measure success via hugs and I-love-you’s.

Learn To Support Your Spouse & Others – you’re going to need a lot of support. Get support by letting your helpers know that they are essential and appreciated.

Here are some lead ins…

  • Thank you for XXXX, you really made a difference.
  • I think you did a great job when XXXX.

If you are working parent then make a habit of using the above, frequently, with your spouse.

Schedule Your Self Care – the equivalent in the corporate world is “there’s always a good reason to skip a vacation.” If you struggled to unplug at the office then be wary of thinking that every action of your child is your domain. Schedule your self-care in your diary => I’m ruthless with sleep, exercise, date nights and alone time in silence.

Keep More Help Than You Think You Need – from six months BEFORE our first child was born, I have been pushing my spouse for additional childcare. She’s resisted me every step of the way. Even if you think you don’t need help, your spouse needs support. Childcare supports a healthy long-term marriage. This is an area where women can do a better job of supporting each other. It’s OK for a mother to ask for help with her children.

Engage Your Mind – I need to engage my intellect (in something other than preschooler conflict avoidance). My method is reading and the challenge of trying to write a world-class blog. What’s your strategy?

When I explain my life to people, they often say, “I could never do that.” Mainly because their children trigger anger and unresolved personal trauma. Own your fears and face your difficulties. Overcoming personal challenges is what creates a life with meaning.

Stick with it.

Don’t retaliate.

Too Kind Too Generous

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ax_and_bellaHow do you deal with someone telling you that you’re too kind or too generous?

What if the person telling you is your inner voice?!

I wasn’t sure how to handle, so I went for a bike ride to consider my alternatives.

Riding along, I laughed when I realized that people never tell me that I’m too kind to them, only too kind to others.

A little later, I laughed again when I realized that I seem to have everyone fooled. My too-kind-too-generous strategy is solely in my self interest.

So, rather than get grumpy. A better reaction is to share that…

You are a good person.

Remember that my capacity to help another person isn’t limited to them. It’s how I treat you.

+++

I looked a little deeper and considered the times where I felt that life was giving someone else too much of a good thing.

These feelings are related to the difficulty that I can have with other people’s success and happiness.

I realized my criticism was flowing from a fear that there wasn’t enough for me.

+++

I’ll end with a song that my son learned when he was two-years old.

The song is called Magic Penny and this is my favorite part…

Love is something if you give it away,
Give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more.

It’s just like a magic penny,
Hold it tight and you won’t have any. 
Lend it, spend it, and you’ll have so many
They’ll roll all over the floor.

My children are excellent teachers.