What makes a successful family system?
If you ask around then you might hear love, kindness, tolerance and forgiveness. All good but, with a room full of youngsters, these “higher states” often seem unattainable.
Let’s focus on specific tactics.
Renunciation – As an elite endurance athlete, this was a strength of mine. However, what serves a high-performer’s goals is unlikely to serve one’s family.
What happens when deeply help beliefs get in the way of being a good father, a good parent, a good son?
Most of us have past habits living inside of us. Feeding these desires as a single adult have limited repercussions in our lives. As a father, self-indulgence leads to misery.
What beliefs/habits are holding me back from being a better man?
The difficulty of change is completely worth it.
Intangible Assets – What is peace of mind worth?
What price are you willing to pay for a happier spouse?
How much is it worth to teach a three-year old conflict resolution skills?
I promise that you will undervalue the intangible benefits of greater serenity and you will greatly overestimate the pleasure you receive from hard assets.
In my family budget, “luxury” spending is focused on two areas:
- Pre-K for the kids
- Childcare for your marriage
At the end of 2012, we downsized our home to ensure we could fund the above.
One-On-One Time – It takes one-on-one time to get inside your child’s world.
Spend the same amount of time (overall) with your spouse.
Hold sacred your daily quiet time with yourself.
With kids, spouse, self, job, PTA, laundry, parents… we have endless demands on our time!
It is “ok to say no.”
Get more comfortable doing enough for the family, rather than your best for yourself. You might never be fully comfortable with time compromises. Discomfort is OK.
Patience – it will take work, over time, to learn skills to maintain your sanity, within the natural chaos of a new family home.
Give yourself 1,000 days to see where you need help.
Go get help!
Experienced preschool teachers have a wealth of knowledge you can tap to become skillful at home.
Most my “problems” are created when a lack of skill meets my emotional habits of anger, retreat, sadness, aggression and revenge.
Renunciation, self-care, connection and patience.