The first principle is you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.
— Richard Feynman
If you self-medicate with drugs or alcohol then you’re going to have a story wrapped around your usage.
My story is beer helps me fall asleep. It’s easy, and wonderful, to knock myself out with a couple of beers. Across 2017, I noticed a habit forming.
As two beers became four, I remembered Doc Evans’ video about alcohol and health. I also sensed that my reason for drinking was weak.
So I decided to make changes, for 30 days:
wake up 30 minutes earlier (5:30am is my new normal)
ditch the beer
pay attention
Similarly my earplug usage was up to 100+ hours per week and a sense of panic would arise when I found myself without plugs. I’d been using plugs for years and they helped, greatly, with not lashing out in the face of my kids’ whining.
How’d it work out?
I lost 8 pounds.
The earplug adjustment happened so quickly I forgot I needed them.
I haven’t forgotten about beer.
We often have habits that hold us back and forever seems daunting.
30-days was:
…long enough to expose my faulty thinking
and
…short enough to get me to start.
One final sleep tip, I lie beside my son for 15 minutes when he goes to bed.
A reader recommended a book about Living with a Seal. The book is an entertaining read, but I did find myself swearing far more than usual afterwards (burpee test!).
The book is about a marathoner who spends a month training with David Goggins (former seal). Having done extreme training, I think it’s safe to assume the rest of the guy’s life was on hold during his month with Goggins!
Complete control of your schedule and the ability to focus on one thing for an extended period of time.
Whether you want to train with a seal, start a business, write a book or simply get really, really good at something… the ability to control your schedule is the starting point for your journey.
Can you take a month “off” to focus on “one thing”?
A month is a good unit because it’s about what it takes for me to start a new business, write a book or bump my level up in anything.
As an elite athlete, I’d spend 13-week blocks focusing on my sport. By that time, I was already good, and seeking to become the absolute best I could be.
You need time because a second use of wealth is accessing, then following, the ACTIONS of world-class teachers.
Advice without action is entertainment.
I’ve been guilty of throwing money and other people’s time at anything I found unpleasant. It can be a winning strategy but it was a band-aid for unnecessary complexity in my life choices.
If you’re a do’er then work towards control of your schedule so you can learn-by-doing alongside the best.
Parenting is similar to learning to swim — we’re not going to become world class on a couple hours per week!
Make sure your mentors have the sort of lives, and character, that you’d like to emulate.
Circling back to the six-week heuristic… I came up with a plan — 12 traditional strength workouts and 12 plyometric workouts. Each session is 15-30 minutes long.
The total commitment is 8 hours out of 42 days.
Seems tiny.
Three weeks in… I’m getting it done, just!
Long-term progress comes from keeping small promises to yourself via daily action.
The habit of one positive step, daily, is more important than the height of the step.
We want to live in a fabulous place, while getting rich on asset appreciation.
It sounds great but the choice of moving into an affluent community increases expectations, and cost of living.
“So what?”, you say.
The hidden cost can be time for our kids and marriage.
In the Great Recession, I changed course…
We aim to create a portfolio of assets enabling us to live for free in an effective public school system that’s close to nature.
In your teens, you will start to make investment decisions… how much to work, spend, save, donate and borrow. You have 50 years to create your portfolio!
Live for free:
In high-school: with your parents
As a young adult: a place where your roommates subsidize your cost of living
Next: a house with many bedrooms — the first place I owned had the capacity to support me via roommates
As soon as I “could afford it” — I made a mistake with a large, expensive to own, flash property!
…but I found myself unexpectedly unemployed and we couldn’t afford it
Eventually, we wised-up, downsized our home, and bought rental properties that covered our mortgage and healthcare.
When my wife is 65, the mortgage will be paid off, the kids will be educated and her retirement self-funded by the residual real estate portfolio.
How much of our cost of living can be permanently covered, or hedged, by this decision?
Most people aspire towards material goods, appearances and spending.
I urge you to patiently buy time, personal freedom and shared experiences.
Most of effective investing is learning, saving and waiting.
A neat concept from Pasricha is to view a week as three bins of time.
168 hours in a week.
Splitting into thirds, we get three bins of 56 hours.
Most folks drop two bins (112 hours) into sleep, work and commute.
Leaving 56 hours for everything else, which happens to be the subject of his book.
The author encourages us to have a look at our allocation. Here’s mine…
Sleep and unscheduled personal time – 65 hours
Kids — meals, bedtime, homework, housework, dad time and school drops – 40 hours
Exercise, strength training, time in nature – 21 hours
Admin, taxes, legal, finances, writing – 15 hours
Travel, Driving – 15 hours
Open, Reading – 12 hours
When I bring energetic action, time and expert instruction to an area of my life… I get results.
If it’s not happening then it’s not a priority.
Better to tell the truth — especially to myself!
Younger Next Year was written for Baby Boomers but I found it entertaining and useful.
Around 2030, I’m going to have a 40-hour slice of time land in my lap. Leaving my desk job in 2000, I have been through much of the author’s story. What I haven’t dealt with is aging and decay!
This winter, I learned to ski well. Learning to ski was humbling — I found myself lacking in absolute power, power endurance and quickness. Add that experience to the gradual deterioration of my vision. Aging and decay!
Through an explanation of Harry’s Rules, the book reminded me of other potential gaps in my life — connection, commitment, passion.
“Kids” have taken a big slice of time in my forties. Because we’re likely to have another 15,000 hours to come, I’ve been working on up-skilling everyone.
Some day the “kid” slice will be gone. My marriage will remain.
The two books by Gray (as well as The Soul of the Marionette) were fabulous and challenged the narrative my local community tells itself.
What one thing, if it happened, would change everything?
Keep it simple
Do it daily
Set a low bar for success
Stretch your limits when overall stress is low
As a coach, I used the above with regards to athletics => better nutrition, sleep and emotional control. Sort those components THEN crank specific stress.
The challenges facing a new parent
life stress never feels low
we start with no skills
we have unreasonable expectations
If you’re facing challenges in your family life then I’d encourage you to acknowledge the above.
Being honest about my limits makes it easier to improve and cope with the inevitable errors.
If I pay attention to my errors, they are most often associated with being tired. You may find this in all areas of your life (emotional control, food choice, substance abuse). You might also have other triggers (hunger, anger, loneliness).
I really like being tired. Fatigue settles my mind and helps me fall asleep.
The trouble comes when I make a big unforced parenting error before bed!
Errors can haunt my consciousness for days.
So this post is about fatigue and change. However, if you look deeper, it is about how I am choosing to invest my emotional energy towards success.
Our values are reflected in where we are willing to make an effort. My values are greatly influenced by peers, environment and media inputs.
So doing a better job at home meant letting go of areas, peers and situations where I used to compete.
Unlike ice cream, cold cereal or beef chili with rice… I have to chew a salad – chewing slows me down (habit creation) and increases my satisfaction beyond the next meal (appetite moderation)
A mixing bowl of salad makes subsequent poor choices physically painful (adverse consequences)
Large amounts of fiber keep me regular and there is a emotional release from good elimination
Salad is the food choice with the lowest number of calories per bowl
It works because it works – while my explanations might be back fit-BS, the results are real
Whatever you eat for the next three years, you will come to believe that your choices are delicious. Don’t believe me? Listen to people who think differently. We are hardwired to believe in the merits of our prior choices.
Pay attention to your mantras – what you say after you eat, what you say about food, what you say about yourself.
Choose wisely – our minds are always watching, listening, rationalizing.
+++
Apples!!!
Two to three apples is a quick way to get a similar effect to a salad.
Displacing a poor choice is easier than resisting one.
Twenty-five years ago, I heeded a call to be a better person.
Even small acts of improvement are not easy.
Remember, what we don’t see.
A useful heuristic from 
Feel The Byrn 
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