Tag Archives: decision making

The Middle-Aged Athlete

Posted on by

ec_hatLast weekend, a bunch of my pals were in Hawaii for Ironman. Watching from a distance, Ironman is a reminder that the human body can do some incredible things. While the race is neat, what’s most impressive is the training load that the competitors put themselves through. The physical output, over many years, is impressive – sitting here, I can’t believe I was able to do it!

I’ve had success coaching men between 40 and 75 years old (as well as women from 40 to 55 years old). Interestingly, it’s the guys who are most prone to saying, “I wonder if I’m getting old.” Top amateur women just keep on rolling, about the only thing that slows them down is injury and illness.

On the other hand, guys get really tired. I like to joke with my wife that I get Man-Fatigue – like man flu – it’s a whole different level of fatigue from what she experiences.

What follows isn’t for my pals, who are still crushing it. Keep doing what you love for as long as it makes sense. I miss those days, and you will too! It’s for the rest of you – particularly, if you were a top athlete in your 20s and 30s.

When it comes to aging, I hear this a lot…

  • Age is just a number
  • You’re only old when your age is an excuse
  • 40 is the new 30

These sayings are linked to the first phase of aging – holding on against the natural progression of time. I’m more fond of saying, “this is what 45 looks like and it’s not so bad!”

In my peer group, characterized by exceptional will, a few can extend the “holding on” phase into their 50s and, extremely rarely, their 60s. You can find examples of these special humans (!) on the Big Island each October. I know a few and they are amazing people.

What lies hidden is the psychological, and physical cost, from living an unnatural life. When we put ourselves together in a peer group, that consists of much younger 1%’ers, we’re left wondering… what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be like XXXX? Am I getting old?

I used to think that I’d be hanging on. Now, I’m not so sure. At first, I thought it was my kids making me tired but there seems to be something deeper at work. Time will tell. Maybe I’ll get a second wind in my 50s! 🙂

When I catch myself thinking that a return to my 20s/30s will improve my life – I say…

  • It’s amazing how much exercise I was able to do
  • I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to compete at a high level

Wonder and gratitude are effective antidotes to mourning the past.

Another thing that I’ve noticed is I get an excellent mood response from small doses of exercise. I have to remind myself of this A LOT so I don’t fry myself.

With exercise, generosity, novelty…happiness links better to frequency than intensity, or dosage.

How do you know if you’re holding on too tight?

  • Ask the people closest to you
  • Pay attention to frequent orthopedic injury
  • Pay attention to frequent depression, or anger

If you aspire to performances that were extreme when you were 10-25 years younger then be sure to spend time with people your own age, as you age.

Trying to be the 1% of the 1% can lead to a rough ride as the years roll on.

Choose wisely.

Money, Marriage, Kids, Family

Posted on by

Back in July, I caught myself fantasizing about my life in the year 2030, when my youngest graduates from high school.

Longing for a better life in the future is a sure sign that I need to make changes in the present!

My dream, of 2030, was an example of the main excuses that I give myself:

  1. Money – If only I had more…
  2. Marriage – I can’t do that, I’ll damage my…
  3. Kids – The trap of giving to the point of self-neglect and external resentment…

To the list above, I’ll add “Family” – I hear others say that they can’t do XYZ because of family considerations.

While it helps our own happiness to serve another, resentment happens when we feel bound to serve.

I know from my own experience that a resentful grandson, son, father or husband isn’t much help at all. I’m awful to live with when filled with resentment.

My antidote with relationships is straightforward.

  1. Empower each other to say “no”
  2. Always be part of the solution – much better than seeking to be THE solution!
  3. Respect other people and let them solve their own situations
  4. Consider every interaction a gift, rather than an obligation – point #1 is essential for this mindset

Now, with money, the antidote is more complicated. My best advice: start by ditching people, situations and things that makes you feel envy.

Envy distracts me from my true needs.

Recently, I spent six years working myself out of financial squeeze and wanted to share the process. When I’m not sure what to do, I start with a clean sheet of paper.

Blank Sheet Living…

Based on where I am today, where would I like to be in five years and what’s it going to take to get there?

Six years ago, I decided that it was important to reduce my family’s net cost of living. I looked at moving to where I could earn more money (Silicon Valley) and where I could live far more cheaply (Boulder County).

In the end, the US Federal Reserve drove mortgage rates to the point where I moved across town, downsized 50% and achieved my goal.

It took a surprisingly large amount of effort to take the path of least resistance!

So now I’m “there” – I achieved my plan and have the ability to reset my life again.

Additionally, I have a wonderful spouse that empowers me to do ANYTHING.

There is deep wisdom in empowering another to choose to love, and serve, us.

I’ve lost all my excuses.

It can be terrifying to lose my excuses!

+++

Goal: Strategy, Tactics

Serenity: Time Alone, Weekly overnights to the high country to explore in solitude

Connection: More Monsy, Share experiences with my spouse and strengthen my marriage, which is my best asset

Long-term Health: Use My Drive For Fitness, Exercise twice a day, watch the booze and carbs

+++

Serenity, Connection and Long-term Health => What’s Your List?

Ten Lessons From The Great Recession

Posted on by

pawneeFor my family, September 2014 marked the the end of the Great Recession, which (for us) had started in October 2008. Navigating the recession took a year longer than my worst case assumption of five years.

I wanted to share my lessons as I can feel the temptation to ignore them returning!

#1 – You can’t know your partners – I’ve lived with friends for up to six months at a time and had no idea about their personal situation – my favorite quote here is one about knowing your marriage… “if you’re lucky then you might know 50% of your marriage, YOUR half.”

#2 – Burn rate kills – Between October 2008 and March 2009, I lost 100% of my net income. Without significant changes, I knew the loss of income would screw up our family finances. I would have really freaked if I knew that interest rates were going to zero! Staying variable enabled us to cut 90% of business expenses and 50% of household expenses – these were gone by April 2009. The lesson here is to be very careful of building up long-term financial commitments.

#3 – Real Estate, even prime, is only liquid in a bull market – there is an urban myth that real estate is a low volatility asset class. Until 2009, there were many national markets that had NEVER gone down! I will not be able to time the market – I should always be willing to sell early – future purchases should only be made for assets that the family is willing to hold for more than 25 years.

#4 – For my core capital, my benchmark return is zero – there is a portion of my family balance sheet that would be very painful to lose. Don’t risk capital for tiny yield – examples here are constantly pedaled by brokers (foreign currency deposits, derivative-linked investments, highly-leveraged investment schemes, alternative assets, growth stocks).

#5 – I’m a better man when I’m constrained – This applies in all areas of my life. At the peak of the boom there was tremendous ego and waste in my life. I’m very fortunate that life gave me a kick in the butt and I had to make choices. I don’t have the emotional maturity to be unconstrained in action, maybe someday!

#6 – Create plans B, C and D – ring fence different aspects of your life, and finances – NEVER guarantee another person’s obligations (see #1 above). In 2014, my life has a series of fallback plans to deal with potential setbacks – I spent the recession taking steps to protect myself, my wife, my kids, and my family.

#7 – Investment properties should avoid furnished rentals, anything with a material housing association payment, and anything with a cost to hold (vacant) that’s greater than long term interest rates – I made good money by investing in real estate through the bottom but would have done better by focusing on properties with a lower cost to hold.

#8 – low-cost passive index investing gives me what I need. The best gamblers I know take a profit-share on other people’s money and use non-recourse leverage.

#9 – stop trying to win – I misallocate energy, money and time when I forget that a simple life is a good life. Reaching for external success and excessive financial wealth leads to poor decisions and choices. I make my best choices when I measure wealth in terms of health, controlling my schedule and sharing time with people I love.

#10 – don’t capitalize luxury expenditure – particularly, second homes and depreciable assets – stay variable!

My errors and misjudgments persist across cultures and generations!

Choose Wisely

 

What If I Had A Fund of Fun

Posted on by

I think best when walking in nature so I climbed South Boulder Peak and asked myself “what if.” I came up with the following list:

  • Race the Tour of the Dragon in Bhutan
  • Nepal – Hike the Annapurna Circuit
  • Tibet – Pilgrimage to Mount Kailash
  • Hole in the Rock – Lake Powell
  • Sail the Atlantic (Canaries to Caribbean)
  • Cruise to Alaska
  • Cruise Micronesia

Knowing that my desiring mind isn’t the most reliable adviser for personal happiness, I stepped outside of the specifics to consider the deeper urges. I noticed…

  • Remote mountain biking and hiking
  • Mountains, forest and water
  • Exploring

Maybe I should tap out everything that’s an easy drive from home, before spending a fortune in airfare and crossing dozens of time zones? Maybe I ended up in Boulder for a reason… 🙂

It’s a lesson that I’ve shared with many aspiring athletes. Until you can win every race within a 90 minute drive from home, you should only travel to access great training.

Here in the Rockies, there’s a lot of good stuff that’s within 90 minutes and getting there doesn’t stress my family, or my budget.

What drives your list?

Hare-Brained Schemes

Posted on by


I’ve found that if you create something trivial to be anxious about, it cancels out serious things that you might be anxious about.

– Malcolm Gladwell, WSJ

The patriarch of a family that I advise gave me a call to ask my advice on an investment with a very low probability of success…

“Am I crazy to do this?

Should I simply toss it in the trash?”

We think alike and his questions were a reflection of my own thinking… no way you’re going to make this work, it’s likely a waste of money, yada yada yada…

My advice?

Go for it. Absolutely.

++

Here’s why…

The deal was in an area that’s far outside his core competency. Having the opportunity to learn, to make mistakes, to create is a lot of fun. When I’m having fun, I do all aspects of my life better (husband, father, consultant).

The deal has a limited financial and time downside. The risk of time is often overlooked – time spent worrying, time spent seeking to fix a low performer, time not spent working on a strength. My pal is very good at his strengths and has a young family. Spending additional time learning new skills is “worth” the small downsides.

As Gladwell notes, when we’re working on a modest hare-brained scheme, we are far less likely to dream up something that risks a material chunk of our net worth, have an affair, quit our job, or pursue any of the other areas of Human Misjudgment.

++

Related to the above, if you have trouble being financially sensible, or get a thrill from risk, then a smart way to manage yourself is to allocate a small portion of your net cash flow towards casino-type investing, or actual trips to the casino!

You’ll find that your brain doesn’t require a large stake to excite itself with anticipation and you can stay open to the creative side of your personality.

Call it your “Fund of Fun” and use if for Vacations, Luxuries and Hare-Brained Schemes.

Allocate a portion of your cash flow (and time) towards these schemes.

Keep the rest of your life sensible and run it on autopilot.

++

Personal note – I always know that I’m holding onto my “rules” too tightly when my wife starts telling me to “be more fun.”

Truth be told, I’m terrified of breaking the rules because there’s nothing I like better (in the moment) than a massive binge!

I need a “fun budget” more than anyone.

Binging is a clear sign of holding on too tightly.

++

Finally, pay attention to how “the things that you think will make you happy” make you feel. I’ve noticed a HUGE difference between what I think I need and what makes me content.

  • I’m fond of adversity in hindsight
  • More food, more alcohol, more sleep, more money, more fatigue – MORE is not my answer
  • It doesn’t take much of a hangover to negate the small marginal gain from extreme living.
  • We are naturally loss averse – the trick is to frame choices to take advantage of this tendency
  • I’m prone to forget the joy of serenity, stillness and simplicity

Anyhow, that’s my list. I sincerely hope that you take the time to write your own.

Don’t wait to start living.

Free My Mind

Posted on by

monsyWhat’s the difference between knowledge and wisdom?

Time, perhaps.

My friend, and his father, are both surgeons. The older doctor shared that ‘half of everything I learned, turned out to be wrong.‘

When I think back to my formal education, a good chunk appears to have been wrong. Of course, studying economics in the 1980s gives one an edge in the search for academic humility.

Why does this matter?

Knowing that most my knowledge will prove meaningless helps me decide where to focus thought. Some questions that I ask myself when I’m wound up…

Could I be having this discussion 10, 100 or 1,000 years ago?

– Nutrition, exercise protocol, the body fat percentage of myself and friends… All are recent phenomena. Not worth devoting much share of mind towards.

– Living well, meaning, time allocation… These questions track back to the ancients.

How long has this problem persisted?

– I love this question with regard to young children. They have been a challenge for parents across thousands of years. My odds of transcendence are long!

Under what conditions is the opposite opinion correct?

– This one is a loaded question because, once you realize that there’s always a situation where the opposite applies, it’s easier to develop tolerance for those who oppose us.

Am I sure?

The benefit of experience is that I’m not sure about much. However, there is a small list of traits where I am quite sure.

It Wasn’t Good For Me

Posted on by

gnomeA number of my pals triathlon’ed from Vancouver to Calgary over the last two weeks. They did the journey as part of something called Epic Camp and I highly recommend Scott Molina’s blog about the trip. I’ve been chuckling along as the crew drill themselves daily across the Canadian Rockies.

In reading Molina’s diary of their adventure, I’ve been feeling three emotions…

Joy that Scott is able to keep on trucking. The guy’s 54 years old and he’s still able to love training at the edge of human endurance. Epic Camp is about the mental component of performance and Scott personifies joy from suffering.

Continuing amazement at what people can accomplish. It’s tempting to put ultra-athletes into a separate category as genetic freaks. The reality is most ultra-athletes are fairly normal physically. The differences arise in their capacity to embrace obsession and the way they experience fatigue & suffering.

Finally, I experience a deep sense of gratitude for my life in Boulder. When I was living my life of extreme athletic performance, I couldn’t see the cost of my status quo.

By the way, lots of people talk about the health risks of extreme exercise. I think that you are right but you’re missing the point. See the camp for what it is… a binge. I’ve always enjoyed a good binge. It’s something I need to watch. Also, so long as you don’t go banana’s with the running, the main short-term risk (to your kidneys) is limited.

Scott knows, and shares, the requirements for athletic success. He’s far more open than any other triathlon writer, myself included.

What’s yet to be published is the total reality of seeking our ultimate triathlon potential. Outside of triathlon, Sam Fussell gave it a shot with bodybuilding. His book, Muscle, is an entertaining account of the life of a full-time amateur (AKA a life similar to most tri-pros). Leaving the extreme drug use to one side, the parallels with my life are many.

I’ve often wanted to write the “whole truth” about my life. I’m most open with the non-racing spouses of my training pals. They know enough about my world to be entertained but aren’t so invested that I challenge their identities with my observations.

I looked deeper into my motivation and saw a desire to protect my children from my near misses. However, my children’s obsession is certainly going to be different than my own and they will resent being told what to do by their, ultimately, sixty-something father.

Here’s where Sam’s book comes into it’s own. The hero in Sam’s book is his mom. She keeps the lines of communication open, accepts Sam for who he his and frees him to change his mind on his own timetable.

As we ascend to the top, we can lose the goodness of our youth. It’s no accident that the highest-achievers had very difficult childhoods. It’s a rare person that becomes more kind under extreme stress – at Epic Camp, Bevan James Eyles is the best example that comes to mind. He was always part of the solution. The rest of us acted like wolves, or hyenas.

What helps everyone is encouragement to hold onto a piece of goodness and stay open when the little voice says, “this isn’t good for you.”

…and while I have no idea who is doing the talking… I know that following that voice has led me to a wonderful life.

Lex

Managing My Inner Game

Posted on by

2014-08-11 18.51.31

As a coach, I have come to realize that a number of my athletes rely on exercise to manage their mental health. I have asked the question…

If daily exercise is a requirement for your mental wellbeing then should we consider if extreme exercise is appropriate for your long-term health?

It’s worth noting that I’ve yet to have a top athlete answer my question with a “yes, we should!” While my pals haven’t answered this question, it’s something that I’ve addressed with choices in my own life.

High-profile athletes, and coaches, can feel the urge to fly-the-flag for extreme exercise. Because of the prestige given to “winning,” it takes courage to walk away from fame, winning or vanity => even when these things are unhealthy for our inner lives.

What calms my inner life and leaves me feeling satisfied?

My list:

  • An outdoor workout with 10-20 minutes of elevated HR
  • Time with my spouse
  • Picking up litter
  • Doing something that other people find too difficult
  • Helping other people
  • High-quality coffee or tea

My list reminds me that much of my spending is wasted.

In my life, the only thing that trumps exercise is sleep. I need to get my sleep AND I need to protect my sleep. I protect my sleep by:

  • Waking up each morning
  • No late naps, late nights, late coffees, late work sessions
  • Removing people and situations that cause me to lose sleep

I’m fortunate with the ups and downs of my moods – I don’t have the extremes that follow some of my pals. My swings are moderated by a lifestyle that gives me frequent top-ups and helps me avoid spiraling downhill. I wrote about downhill triggers here,

It usually takes multiple injuries for an athlete to be open to considering their role in creating their life situation. More normal, is gratitude for a return to training. Be aware when you are in a rush to get back to the pattern, and mental habits, that hurt you.

It takes courage to change our approach.

Be brave.

Too Painful To Care

Posted on by

Monday I wrote about driving energy inwards to improve myself, my marriage, my family.

Related to this lesson, I’ve noticed a habit of avoiding knowledge that conflicts with my core beliefs. This isn’t anything new – human misjudgment is an ever present topic. However, spotting my own misjudgments can make me far more effective.

Being effective, and making better choices, is a more important to me than avoiding change.

A story.

The Tour de France just finished and I didn’t watch any of it. My lack of motivation was unusual and I wondered why.

The legacy of cheating has been to make it too painful to care. In my case, that manifests in a lack of interest in elite sport. In the case of the wider public, there is an element of truth-fatigue. It’s too painful to discover the reality that underlies an obsession with winning.

I’m using sport as an analogy – it’s an easy one for us to feel, and see in others. Choose your favorite sport and you’ll find a tendency to overlook it’s short-comings. If you can’t see it then ask a foreign friend their thoughts (or simply a pal that likes a rival franchise).

The lesson for daily living is deeper.

  • A friend with Alzheimer’s
  • An elder with dementia
  • A sexually abused child
  • A partner that defrauds the community

In these cases, we will feel a strong urge to “give the benefit of the doubt” to whatever causes the least pain. We will default towards inaction and strongly avoid information that compels us to face pain. I feel avoidance strongly in myself – it’s taken many setbacks for me to overcome.

One of the best lessons of hospice is that freedom lies on the other side of fear. Hospice lets me “be with” my fear of death/disease and feel grateful for today. Gratitude is powerful medicine to carry around inside.

Hospice is “easy” – it’s quiet and I’m not expected to solve anything. My home on the other hand… is often loud and I’m in charge. Maintaining serenity in my own house would be transformative for me, my wife and my kids.

So I look for small, daily, opportunities to practice equanimity:

  • Reading a conflicting viewpoint
  • Avoiding “justified” disappointment in a friend
  • Letting a commute unfold without battling my fellow drivers
  • Not playing into a negative emotional pattern with a spouse, child or myself (!)

Overcoming the smallest things, closest to us, can be powerful.

It takes courage to face pain.

Be brave.

Scope Lock

Posted on by

It’s easy to let short-term news dominate our thinking.

  • Children killed in war
  • Lost airplanes
  • Destroyed airplanes
  • Crashed airplanes

With death, in particular, I was curious.

I asked Google, “How many people die, per day, in the world?”

Google replied, “about 150,000.”

Per DAY.

That helped me put my obsession into context.

++

Realizing that my thoughts are largely wasted can create cognitive dissonance.

…but it’s awful

…I need to care (to show I’m a kind person)

I ask myself, ‘is linking worry to goodness effective?’ In my life, worry makes me anxious, not compassionate.

++

Here’s what I’ve noticed in myself. There’s a hidden cost to obsession with others.

The more I focus on seeking to change others, the less energy I have to change myself.

What one thing, if it happened, would change everything?

In my case, kindness through daily action in my own house.

Beware of feeding what you want to leave behind. In my case, fear – anger – anxiety.