Here’s my thread on Steve’s Book, Do Hard Things. It’s a great read.
Today, I want to share a filter for the “hard things” you might be considering.
The Tour de France just finished up.
Lance and I have different views on a few things but an area where we are in alignment is fatherhood.
You may remember hearing his son defend his lie was a trigger for him (Oprah interview).
My kids trigger me, too.
My kids have clear memories of my mistakes, and they talk about them!
Well before I had my kids, Lance shared an observation along these lines…
Winning the Tour is easy compared to being a good parent
Truth, as deep as you want to take it.
Much of what we define as difficult is a thin-desire for: (a) domination over another person, (b) respect from another person, or (c) deference from other people.
Domination
Respect
Deference
We see it everywhere.
Can you feel it in yourself?
I can.
These desires lead me astray!
My drive for achievement pushes me ever forward – more money, more victory, more conquest…
My drive led me to many difficulties, eventually to a divorce.
I made a choice to leave that former life behind, but the habit of striving came along.
Easier to replace a habit, than transcend it.
Lasting satisfaction, the kind that reduces desire, comes from overcoming ourselves and, ideally, building something with other people.
Perhaps a marriage, or a family, or a business, or a community.
A coach is someone who can offer correction without causing resentment
– John wooden
When I notice someone has been triggered, I stop.
My life goals do not require me to change other people.
Inverting, being prickly reduces the world’s ability to help us out.
If you struggle to learn from experience then ASK…
What is it going to take for me to trust the process?
What is it going to take for me to trust the coach?
For me, It was watching Nils & Johan take everything I learned about sport and make it better. I wanted to take my knowledge to the next level.
In February, one small choice by Johan, set off of positive chain that brought us together.
Big thanks to you @Alan_Couzens and @feelthebyrn1 for sharing knowledge on the web. It's been a big part of my "studies" culminating in helping NVDP reach his world class performances the last 2 years. /Johan Röjler (personal trainer/coach NVDP since 2019)
Think back, who gets through to me, without resentment?
Combine with goals & VALUES alignment, and you have the ingredients for a valuable long-term relationship.
My marriage
My investment committee
My close friends
My board
All contain people who are able to get through to me. I am surrounded by elite coaches.
In our lives, we will come across people who have the capacity to make us want to improve, and the vision to make incremental suggestions that we can implement.
Pay attention when you feel their positive influence.
2002 / 2006 / 2010 Three Consecutive Swedish Olympic Teams
There are themes that repeat in the LTAD literature.
From 7-10 yo the local parents set up a “sports school.” One day a week, they’d have a couple hours and try different activities
Very active childhood, but no early specialization, Johan’s skate focus started ~13 yo
Continued to play organized soccer/tennis, and lots of spontaneous ball sports, through his mid-teens. His skating coach supported all general training and encouraged him to continue
Ran, cycled, raced Swedish Nationals (road race)
Grew up in a small city, 125,000 population at present
Surprising to me, Johan didn’t come from a Skate Family.
His Dad was a Regional Class soccer player. As the family grew, his father’s focus shifted from his own sports to being a soccer and bandy coach for kids. He continued to run and race 1-2x per year. Johan’s mom was artistic and both parents worked full-time through this childhood.
His entry to the sport of speed skating was via a local club that handled training, talent development and races.
VERY independent in approach – the local club organized bus trips to race in the Netherlands and Germany in his Tweens, without parents, staying with locals.
Johan was the key driver in getting himself to a very high level. The Swedish Club system and local coaching infrastructure gave him the opportunity to train himself to a world class level.
Johan, and I, are very interested in helping our kids excel at sport. It was the #1 topic for our call.
0-2 years old: we are a swim family, our babies all started out very comfortable in the water. If you want your kids to swim then, ideally, continue their natural-born comfort via positive experiences in the water, from birth.
2-6 years old
Movement skills via gymnastics – we didn’t progress into pre-team, very basic balance, agility and movement for all our kids
Swimming – a swim lesson, once a week, every week – from a coach, who wasn’t us.
Soccer Tots – from preschool age, coordination, bit of running, general play
Preschool – three years, play-based preschool where they learned skills to get along with other kids – early socialization in a play-based environment
7-12 years old
Just like Johan, lots of different sports: Thai Boxing, Jiu Jitsu, Indoor Climbing, Swimming, Soccer, Hiking, Running, Downhill Skiing, Uphill Skiing, Water Polo, Indoor Skiing
Some sports come-and-go, continue at least once per week swimming lesson.
Family policy is “do something” – we are willing to change what they do each season.
Lots of activity – competition mostly absent
In this phase, build self-confidence.
Two examples are indoor climbing and skiing. Both sports involve: movement skills, problem solving, fear management and young kids can be better than many adults. Huge confidence boosters for our crew.
No judges, no scoring, we SHARE athletic experiences with our kids.
Little Johan in full flight
Race Experience
Something a little different.
Summer Swim League from a very early age (5 yo) for each of our kids.
Intense 10 week summer season where they swim M-F and have a dual meet on Saturday
Touch the water ~80 days across their summer holiday
Finals event with 100s of kids, gives them big venue experience
Positive early race experience by winning ribbons at the dual meets, and eventually medals at the Finals event
Teen Years – like Johan, specialize if THEY want.
Our only policy is that everyone does something, including us.
Our oldest is a swim specialist and soon-to-be 14 yo. She still does extracurricular cross-country running, track and skiing. Her summer swim focus, continues since 5 yo.
We only have negative-control.
In other words, we can screw things up, but we cannot make it happen.
What makes it happen?
Positive experiences
Wide range of movement skills
An environment to excel – access to skilled coaches and motivated teammates
The child’s, and eventually the teen’s, inherent drive
It’s a long road to the top!
Final questions => be brutally honest with yourself…
What do I want for my kids, and why do I want it?
A lifelong enjoyment of daily exercise NOT a self-identity wrapped up in winning!
Am I seeking to compete, or win, through them?
I want to enjoy nature alongside them. Many parents care far too much about results.
Understand my values & biases
We try to keep our kids, and ourselves, grounded by exposure to a WIDE range of field strengths. There is a benefit from getting our butts kicked every so often.
As parents, we are mostly positively reinforcing.
We offer immediate, negative feedback (and event venue removal) when we witness poor sportsmanship. We’ve left sports when we didn’t like the peers.
I did the Rich Roll Podcast this past week (not out yet, I’ll let you know).
We started the podcast with…
My story is proof we all have hidden skills, paths we never see, never take.
I wasn’t setting Summer Swim League records as a kid, I didn’t walk-on to the Stanford Swim Team. I thought I was an average athlete. Turned out, I was an Ultraman Champion.
Every single one of us has a skill, a path, that can dramatically improve our lives.
But we have to start.
That was followed by two-and-a-half hours of chatting!
To wrap up, Rich asked me to give him one last tip. I thought a bit and came up with…
Keep small promises to yourself.
Everything I’ve achieved comes from the credibility I’ve established with myself.
When I started my journey, I had no idea where it would take me.
My elite athletic career dates back to a single choice in 1993 (24 yo).
I was living in London and decided to go for a walk.
One walk led to two.
Soon I was bike commuting to work.
Eventually, I was hiking longer on the weekends.
Years later, I made the decision to do “something everyday.”
Many choices, many years.
Roll forward, ~30 years, I have two promises I’m working on:
Try to help someone online via Twitter
Give it my best shot to get back in outstanding aerobic shape
Both done daily, on a 1,000-day time horizon.
I have no destination in mind.
I’m going to do the work, pace myself, and see what happens.
#1 came from calling my bluff with some feelings of envy I had.
#2 came because my life is more enjoyable with superior aerobic fitness.
Where do you need to face your fears and go for it?
What one thing, if it happened, would change everything?
Feel The Byrn 
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